


Hello, I'm Right Here

by sweetprentiss



Category: Kate McKinnon - Fandom, Kate McKinnon RPF, SNL - Fandom
Genre: Breaking, College Kate McKinnon, F/F, Falling In Love, Found Family, Healing, I'm bad at tags, Lesbians lesbianing, Light Angst, Romance, Time Travel, soul searching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetprentiss/pseuds/sweetprentiss
Summary: Nora Collins is a 20-year-old college student desperate for an escape from her life. When the opportunity crosses her path to become one of the first participants in a study on time travel, she jumps at the opportunity to spend a year in 2005. It could be a year of complete anonymity, a year of just existing. What she doesn't anticipate, however, is meeting a cute girl named Kate who would throw all of her plans off the rails.orThe time travel fic we all wish we could be a part of.
Relationships: Kate McKinnon/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 71
Kudos: 28





	1. prologue

Was this what it felt like to drown? 

It felt like the air had been sucked from Kate’s lungs, replaced with harsh water, ripping her chest apart from the inside out. It hadn’t even felt like this when her dad died, his sickness giving her family at least a little time, a little expectancy.

Her grief had grown slowly but steadily as she watched her father lose his ability to play music, to speak, to laugh, to recognize his daughters as they said goodbye. Losing her father was and forever would be the hardest thing she had ever done but she knew what was coming. She could have never been ready, but she could at least prepare herself a tiny bit for the overwhelming pain and sorrow; she was already there. She was already in pain, she was already grieving the life that she was to lose.

But this, this was wholly unexpected and nearly knocked all of the air from her body. Just yesterday Nora was holding Kate’s hand in Central Park, telling her about how angry the birds were where she was from. They laughed as they watched tourists stop for pictures in front of the Blockhouse and stumble on the unsteady ground around the landmark. Kate had wrapped her arm around Nora’s waist as they walked the North Woods, kissing her gently under the arch just like she had all that time ago. They were happy, everything was perfect. 

Today, Nora walked out the door without even a glance back as she shattered Kate into pieces. No warning, no expectation, not even an argument that would give reason as to why the woman she loved would throw her away. Gone. Nora was gone. 

Kate had meticulously broken down each of Nora’s walls and as she did that, she forgot to keep Nora outside of hers. She had trusted Nora, let her in to see her inner truth. They found depths to each other that had never been touched by the light of day, understood each other so profoundly that there was no question in Kate’s mind that Nora was her future, her everything. But she wasn’t Nora’s. Her truth wasn’t enough, she wasn’t enough, the real her wasn’t enough to make her stay. 

Never again.

Never again would she go against what had always come so naturally, hiding herself away, an enigma to those who seek. Deflect, reject, silence. 

In three weeks she was going to audition for a role as Kate McKinnon and that was who she would become. No one was to know Kate Berthold, the sweet girl from Sea Cliffe who just wanted to be understood and told that everything would be okay. 

Kate Berthold would never be seen again.


	2. one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's meet our protagonist, shall we? :)

_ “Remember Ms. Collins, you’re there to do one job. Time travel operations are covert in the name of national security. Keep your head down. Collect the data. Do not get attached. Don’t tell anyone who you truly are.”  _

January was cold and snowy in the city, making it easy for Nora to stick to the rules. When she had first been transported to 2005 two weeks ago, the weather was mild as she adjusted to her new home and lifestyle. Right when she was itching for some human interaction, however, classes were back in session and Jack Frost had finally made his visit to the city. With the constant decline in temperature and that weekend’s monumental snowstorm, she rarely wanted to do more than attend class, work, and hang around her apartment. The researchers would be proud of how well Nora was handling her mission.

The researchers had not told Nora explicitly that she could not talk to other people and make friends but she decided early on that the path of least resistance would be to avoid other people as much as possible. She worried that she couldn’t go on like this forever, firmly dependent on having a support system in her regular life. But with the data tracker on her wrist reminding her every day of the stakes of what she was tasked with, she couldn’t bring herself to go against what she was instructed to do, the world was depending on her.

_ “The fate of a 20-year project is on your back, Nora. If this goes wrong and the information we have trusted you with falls into the wrong hands in 2005, it could have catastrophic consequences on the safety and trajectory of the present. Imagine if our enemies knew that time travel was possible in 2005. We have no idea if time is truly linear or if it is cyclical, but should it be linear, imagine what kinds of evil could be perpetuated and how the future you return to could be entirely altered. There could still be Nazis and concentration camps. This is on you, do not disappoint us.”  _

Nazis did still exist in 2020 and there were still concentration camps around the world but the warning exhorted by the scientists did not fall on deaf ears. Nora would never be able to live with herself if she was the reason that the future she returned to was worse than the way she left it. Until they knew if their time travel endeavors had a butterfly effect, Nora needed to be vigilant, loyal to those who sent her on this mission.

Along with the weather curbing her desire to socialize, Nora’s success as a student worker in the theatre department’s costume shop brought her confidence to an all-time high. She seemed to be getting along well and following conversations, using her newly acquired wealth of knowledge to her advantage when she was talking to her boss, Shirley. Other students had a tendency to leave her alone, much too busy with finding and fitting costumes for their productions. Groups of two or three would often come in together and she found herself often eavesdropping on conversations while she worked, living vicariously through their chatter. Sometimes she would even catch herself laughing a little at jokes being said, which would earn her a smile from whoever said it, but most of the students didn’t engage her further. 

After a week or so of working and listening, Nora’s good luck had run out and a curious but kind student approached her as she organized some design sheets. Accustomed to being a fly on the wall, Nora didn’t realize at first that the words were meant for her ears. So steadfast in not allowing herself even the fantasy of making friends with the shop-goers, she subconsciously disregarded the fact that she was the only other person in the entire shop. Having noticed that she failed to get Nora’s attention, the other occupant of the space tried her question again.

“What?” Nora looked up, startled, not quite comprehending what was being said to her. 

The woman, about her age with short, dirty-blonde hair repeated herself a third time. Unknowingly to Nora, with each repetition of the question, it lost its eloquence and the final product was a bit harsher than its speaker intended. 

“Do my jokes offend you?” 

From what Nora had gathered in her week at the costume shop, the small woman was pretty shy but she was always quick with a joke when there was an opening. Something about her seemed familiar but the undergraduate couldn’t place what. Her sky blue eyes were gentle but concerned, making it easier for Nora to ignore how brusque the woman had come across. 

“No, not at all. Why?” 

Nora put down the fabric in her hand, wanting to give the blonde her full attention. After three weeks of being in the past, Nora had adjusted to her new solitary life. Now that she was being directly spoken to by someone, though, the sting of loneliness was poking at the edges of her mind. 

“I noticed that you usually laugh a little when the others make jokes but never with mine and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making you uncomfortable. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone’s feelings.” 

The blonde picked up another costume that had been set on a rack for her to try with a shrug and moved towards the changing room at the back of the shop. Nora couldn’t help but think that the costume would bring out the blue in her eyes but be too long to fit the petite woman properly. Wait, did she say that she noticed Nora? 

Shaking off the thought, Nora returned to her work and tried to ignore the warm feeling that the exchange with the woman gave her. She had never felt such an immediately pleasant connection with a stranger but she attributed that to her lack of interaction for the past three weeks. Lost in her musings, she didn’t notice when the light-haired girl returned, standing next to her at the workbench.

“I need this dress hemmed, do you know when Shirley will be back in?” Delicate hands with trimmed nails and a distinct thumb ring placed the offending fabric on the rack which Nora had affectionately dubbed “Costume Hell”. The tall metal bar was filled to the brim with costumes for the upcoming theatre production.

The tiny schedule in front of Nora should have contained the elderly seamstress’ schedule and she squinted, trying to decipher what exactly was what. It was moments like this she yearned for Google Calendar and a zoom function.

“It looks like she will be in tomorrow from 9-12 and Thursday from 3-7.” 

The small blonde pumped her fist in delight and kicked her foot a little, “Yes, perfect.” 

Nora looked at her with confusion and she smiled back sweetly. The way her companion’s short hair bounced as she laughed brought a familiar stirring to Nora’s belly. Her presence was intoxicating.

“Last semester I missed Shirley every time she was here for two weeks and almost didn’t have my costume in time for the show. But!” Her words were punctuated with a wiggling finger pointed to the sky, “I’m going to be in the building all day tomorrow, so I will probably get her on the first try. You probably don’t know this yet, but she is a stickler with those hours. Even one minute late and she will turn you away.” 

The blonde’s words were marked with an impression of a military sergeant and it made Nora giggle. The smile on the woman’s face only grew wider, pleased that she finally got Nora to laugh. She stuck her hand out to the odd girl, looking her up and down approvingly, “Kate.” 

Nora shyly took her hand and pressed her lips in a tight smile, trying to hide her blush, “Nora.” 

Kate’s grip was strong and Nora swore she could see the ocean in her eyes. Immediately she tamped down that thought.  _ Do not get attached _ . 

“That’s a pretty name, is it short for anything?” 

Nora tucked some brunette locks behind her ear, “Yeah, actually. My full name is Eleanor. My parents’ have always called me Nora P, though, so it just stuck.” 

Kate seemed to be rolling an idea around in her head, taking a thoughtful pause before replying, “My parents could never seem to call me by the name they gave me, either. I think they realized early on that Kate suits me better than the name they gave me. Kathryn McKinnon Berthold, my parents really didn’t want me to win.” 

“Kathryn and Eleanor,” Nora repeated, “We sound like a pair of regal European queens.” 

Kate pretended to grab at a skirt, curtseying clumsily, “As you please, madam, the beheading of Sir John Fitzwilliam Patrick is scheduled in forty-five minutes, will you be in attendance?” 

Emulating the posh British accent and spinning in her chair to fully face the blonde, hand placed delicately on a crossed knee, Nora continued, “You know how I do love a good beheading, darling, but do remind me of the charges?” 

Something in Nora’s response threw Kate for a second but she quickly recovered. “Two counts of harassment against the Queen.”

Forgetting that the culture of 2005 was different than 2020, Nora was quick to joke, “Ah, the shame, as when you defame the Queen for her choice in spouse, there must always be a double charge, as there is no telling which Queen is being defamed and which is the choice in spouse.” 

A flicker of acknowledgment flashed in Kate’s eyes and she came to sit next to the brunette again. 

“Well, my love,” the sandy blonde continued outlandishly, “I expect only the best treatment of my fair wife and if execution is how I shall have it, it will be done!” 

Both girls broke into laughter and the smaller woman fell into Nora slightly, Nora immediately noticing how natural the woman’s touch felt. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Kate spoke again.

“So, espoused queens, huh?” The mischievous glint in Kate’s eyes brought a blush to Nora’s cheeks. 

“I guess that was pretty blasé of me to just throw it out there, huh?” Nora wrung her hands together, hoping that she didn’t overstep a boundary. She still wasn’t sure exactly how accepting 2005 was of LGBT people.

“That’s quite alright, I like a girl who is brave.” The wink the blonde gave Nora made her blush even deeper. “You’re new this semester, right? I’ve never seen you around the shop before and I spend a lot of time in the department.” 

Nora nodded her head, “Yeah, I’m a transfer student and this is the job I got through work-study. Gotta pay the outrageous bills for this place.” 

Nora gave a nervous laugh, this was the first time she was confronted with having to share parts of the story she was fed on her first day in 2005. 

“Oh, tell me about it. This place is astronomical with tuition and room and board. We’ve gotta do what we can, right?” 

The two women continued for a while, talking about the trials and tribulations of going to an Ivy League school, sharing laughs at the school’s expense. For a while, Nora felt like she was back to her normal life, her blonde companion giving her a sense of calm and comfort she hadn’t even truly found back home. 

Quickly, it was time for the shop to close and Kate seemed to be procrastinating her departure. As Nora cleaned up her work station, she watched the blonde putter around the medieval costume section, occasionally asking Nora a question about how the shop ran and if she liked her job. The brunette easily saw through the blonde, knowing her experience in the theatre department, and thus the shop was far more extensive than her own. 

Within minutes a security officer came to lock the shop, asking if everyone was out. Nora shook her head, quickly searching through the room for Kate. She found her, still amongst the medieval gowns, looking at one of deep red with long, draping sleeves and silver adornments along the neckline and waist. 

“Queen Eleanor, I do believe that you would look absolutely enchanting in this piece.” The sincerity in Kate’s words caused Nora to pause, a pleasant feeling washing over her. It had been such a long time since she was on the receiving end of such a compliment. The feeling was quickly replaced with fear and guilt.

“We..uh... Thank you. The security guard is here to lock up for us, it’s t-time to go.” 

Kate could sense that something was off with the brunette, but thankfully chose not to comment on it. She quickly obliged and followed Nora out of the shop, barely keeping up with the fiery trail she was blazing. 

Once out of the shop and into the hallway, Nora heard her name called. She quickly turned to see Kate a few yards behind her, backpack slung over her shoulder and leaning against the wall. 

“It was nice to meet you, Nora. I hope I do have the pleasure of seeing you again.” 

A small smile graced the shop worker’s face, “You too, Kate. See you around.” 

Nora quickly disappeared from the building, putting as much space as she could between herself and the charming blonde. With the words of the scientists echoing in her ears, she quickly overwhelmed herself with doing what was right at the expense of not embracing this newfound connection that felt like none other she had experienced. 

_ Immoral… Unethical… Do not get attached.  _

By the time the 20-year-old made it back to her apartment, her mind was buzzing with those words. The quiet niggling in the back of her mind, however, was that maybe allowing herself one friend wouldn’t be so bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Make sure you subscribe to keep up with the chapters as I post them! And all comments are welcome, I thrive on validation, haha.


	3. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of background information into the situation Nora has found herself in and some sweet interactions with Kate :)

The brisk February air nipped Nora’s cheeks as she traversed the Morningside Heights campus for her first check-in with the researchers behind her project. Well, not the exact researchers behind the project, she would guess that they were still in school in 2005. The facility she was transported to originally, however, was inhabited by a man who seemed to be nearing retirement, Dr. Fedelstein. Their first interaction with each other was nothing if not strange.

_ Blended colors of blue, white, and pink whirled around Nora as she was sucked between space and time. It felt like her body was being stretched and condensed simultaneously, setting her nerves aflame. She screwed her eyes shut in an attempt to soothe the overstimulation. The swirling and pulling stopped nearly as quickly as it began and when Nora dared open her eyes again, she was still standing inside the curved structure, but beyond the glass laid an office filled with out-dated technology, walls of handwritten notes in the place of computers whizzing lines of code.  _

_ “Hello? Is anyone there?” Nora called out into the space, taking uneasy steps away from the platform. _

_ Instead of two middle-aged men with receding hairlines and permanent frowns, she is greeted by a gentleman with neatly trimmed but wildly coiled gray hair atop his head and circular glasses perched on the bridge of his wide nose that seemed to fall lower on the left half of his face than the right. His surprise at her arrival was marked by a comical flailing of arms and fluttering of palms much paler than the rest of his body as he rocketed up from his position at the only desk in the room and gave a series of flustered noises that Nora couldn’t interpret. _

_ “Oh my God, it worked! Did you just come through the portal? Oh, I need to get my notebook, you stand right there-- don’t move!”  _

_ For the next hour, Dr. Fedelstein poked and prodded at Nora and asked her a battery of questions about the project and where she came from. Once his excitement at her appearance wore off, he handed her a file stuffed to the brim with her new “identity”, though it was hard to call it that seeing as how it was just information on things she would need to know to pretend to have been living since 1984. When she began to ask questions, he was quick to interrupt. _

_ “Classes begin in one week. In that folder, you will find information on how to get registered for said classes, where we will be housing you, the location of the job I have secured for you, and our meeting schedule. I cannot provide you with more information than is in the folder currently, so now you must be on your way. Oh, and happy new year.”  _

Their last meeting had left a sour taste in Nora’s mouth, the man so quickly dismissing her felt much like how the two original researchers handled her, as if she was a lab rat and not a human being. She  _ was  _ there for that purpose, though, and who was she to question how they needed to handle her in order to not impact the mission. 

The door to Dr. Fedelstein’s lab seemed ordinary on the outside, only a strategically placed “Keep Out” sign hung for decoration. Inside, however, looked like the aftermath of an explosion with papers strewn about and textbooks laying open on every surface. It was a stark difference to the cool and collected atmosphere that the space would embody 15 years in the future. 

She knocked her knuckles against a metal filing cabinet as she walked into the space, noticing that Dr. Fedelstein was nowhere to be seen. She wandered over to the table where a file with her name on it sat. 

“Nora, darling, welcome back!” 

The scientist’s entrance startled Nora, distracting her from the file that had caught her attention. Today, the scientist looked much more put together, wearing a crisp button-up and slacks, his glasses sitting square on his cheeks. 

“I got a call from your assistant this morning, she said there was an urgent matter that I needed to attend to?” 

Pulling up a stool and sitting directly across the table from Nora, Dr. Fedelstein smiled and explained the worrisome phone call while discreetly pulling the file off the table and into a drawer.

“Ah, yes. Well, I am afraid that seven weeks ago when you were first here I was horribly underprepared for your arrival. You see, I had given up hope that what I am studying in this lab would ever be successful, as I had written in my notes that if there was to be a traveler sent on a mission, it was to be to my lab before the first of this year. Seeing as you came on the first of the year, I assume that there was some miscommunication between when you came from and now. 

“I should have brought you back sooner, but the responsibilities of a tenured professor running three research labs never stops. This project we have here is a pet project of mine that the university demands I keep on the down-low, so I don’t have the manpower of student assistants nor the budgeted time to be working on this like I do everything else.”

Nora nodded, quite familiar with how hectic academia can be for professors who are at the top of their game and desired by many to participate in what they have going on. Her own mentor in 2020 was also a much sought after faculty member and oftentimes found herself with too much to do with no time to do it and delegated tasks to Nora when possible. 

“So what do you need me here for today?” 

“Well, for starters, I need to make sure that you’ve settled in well and that everything was taken care of for you. I had some trouble setting up student profiles for you with the university seeing as how I didn’t even know your name, let alone what you would look like or what kind of studies you would enroll in.”

Nora thought for a moment about the past seven weeks. She explained to Dr. Fedelstein that she had ultimately been able to get into classes and the apartment the school had set up for her. When he asked about the employment they had contracted her for, she told about how she was placed in the theatre department to help run the costume shop. She conveniently left out the part where she met someone that she had a genuine interest in, afraid that she would disappoint the scientist or be punished for not following the rules. 

“I also want to get you set up with the stipend you should have been promised. If the project is continued in the fashion I have designed it, they will want you to enjoy yourself while you’re here.” 

The researchers had not mentioned anything about having a stipend beyond the living space and food, so Nora smiled at Dr. Fedelstein.

“I won’t say no to free money, that’s for sure.”

The older man looked up from the paperwork he was sorting on the desk, “Well this excursion certainly isn’t nothing, the data your wristwatch is collecting is very valuable to the study of time and time travel. You are carrying a great responsibility on your shoulders. It is important that you are adequately compensated. You’re less likely to fail that way, anyhow.”

The brunette gulped, her excitement quickly replaced by dread. Dr. Fedelstein’s words reminded her of the weight of the researchers’ words.  _ If you do not successfully complete this mission, Miss Collins, you will be jeopardizing the entire nation and perhaps the globe. Should your actions create undue distress upon our nation or international relations, there could be criminal charges pressed against you. Tread carefully.  _

Nora had never been one to stray from the pack, oftentimes submitting herself to authority figures without questioning their rule. The researchers were no exception, but now the anxiety she had about any kind of retribution should she act independently was tenfold. Dr. Fedelstein did not seem as authoritative as the two researchers she left in 2020, but she imagined that it was a shared sentiment that should she compromise their study, there would be hell to pay. 

Lost in her thoughts, Nora didn’t notice that Dr. Fedelstein had finished collecting and filling out the paperwork and was standing directly in front of her with a stuffed manilla folder in his hands. 

“This is a copy of the file that I am keeping on you, Nora. Inside is the account info for the bank account that will have your money in it. Nora--” 

Dr. Fedelstein snapped his fingers twice, shaking Nora from her thoughts. 

“Are you with me, Miss Collins?” 

She ran a shaky hand through her hair and let out a deep breath, trying to tamp down the anxiety she felt reminiscing on her last day in 2020. 

“Yeah, Dr. Fedelstein, this has bank info and stuff in it.” 

The older man frowned and knelt down, looking a seated Nora directly in the eye. She couldn’t read his face but decided that the look he was giving must have been some kind of disapproval.

“What in the world are you thinking about that is so important, Nora? I need your mind sharp if we are going to successfully work together.” 

Nora’s breath caught in her throat and she felt tears stinging in her eyes. She choked out a rushed “I’m sorry” before looking at her booted feet dangling from the stool. 

Dr. Fedelstein stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, almost soothingly. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, child, just try to get out of your head, okay? There are much better things to be experiencing out here in the land of the living.”

Just as quickly as the touch came, it left and Dr. Fedelstein stalked towards the entrance. He gave Nora a pointed look and she nodded, quickly putting the folder into her bag and crossing the room to meet him. He held the door for her and called after her down the hallway, reminding her that they will have meetings biweekly from then on out. 

~

Still reeling from her meeting with Dr. Fedelstein, Nora walked in the snow to her shift at the costume shop instead of taking the shuttle like she normally did. She needed the sting of winter air to help clear her mind, listening to the crunch of snow under her boots as she traversed the campus. Following her therapist’s instructions on how to ground herself in times of anxiety, she began following the pattern of squeaks as her foot lifted and crackles as it made contact again with the frosty earth. 

_ Crunch crunch squeak. Crunch crunch squeak. Crunch crunch --  _

“Nora! Hey!” 

The brunette’s head quickly snapped up and she saw Kate bound down the stairs of a building towards her. Her black peacoat was haphazardly buttoned and a dark blue hat was pulled tight over her ears, leaving little tufts of blonde hair poking out of the bottom. The petite woman quickly jogged to Nora’s side, surprising the brunette when her lack of grace didn’t cause her to fall before catching up. 

“Hi Kate.” 

Kate knocked shoulders with Nora, an affectionate gesture that had increased with frequency as she had slowly started chipping away at Nora. At least twice a week the blonde would find herself at the costume shop while Nora was on shift, making conversation with her on just about anything under the sun. Kate never pushed the standoffish brunette to share more than she was comfortable with but she always had a way to keep their interactions flowing and easy. 

“Are you on your way to the shop? Shirley just called me to tell me that she needed me back today to make sure that the hem on one of my outfits was the right amount of uneven.” 

Nora chuckled, remembering fondly the heated discussion she had with Shirley earlier in the week about how fussy the student costume designer was for the upcoming show that would open that weekend. The older woman probably spent 25 minutes muttering afterward while working on a particularly annoying custom jacket. 

“Uh, yeah, I am.” The time traveler shoved her hands in her pocket, rhythmically squeezing her thumbs to help quell some of the anxiety she was still feeling. 

“Can I walk with you, then?” Kate gave Nora a soft smile and the familiar warmth bloomed in the brunette’s chest. Something about the petite woman enthralled Nora and she held onto every moment she could get. 

“Of course.” 

The niggling feeling in the back of Nora’s mind, however, would not release so easily. She craved Kate’s presence, loving the feeling she got when the delightful woman was around. As soon as Nora would find herself slipping into her trance, however, the voices returned to remind her of her duty, to whom she is to stay loyal. Today was no different, the exhilarating feeling falling short to her fear. 

The two walked for a while in silence, arms brushing lightly and Kate humming to herself. It sounded very similar to a song Nora heard often in her childhood, but she couldn’t quite place it. She figured it must be a pop tune that came out recently. After about a block and a half, Kate tried at some conversation again.

“Are you feeling alright? You don’t seem like yourself today.” 

The blonde, ever so intuitive, looked concerned as she caught Nora’s eyes. She could see the hands shoved harshly in her pockets moving slightly and couldn’t remember a time since their first conversation all those weeks ago when Nora didn’t have anything to say at all. 

“I just am pretty anxious today, is all. I’m sorry I’m not more chatty.” 

The brunette could feel the sinking feeling in her stomach morph and change from that of her anxiety to that of shame. She shouldn’t be letting Kate see her like this, she was supposed to be keeping barriers up and a facade locked in place. 

This didn’t seem to bother Kate in the slightest, as she placed a hand gently on Nora’s back so as to not startle her. 

“I’m sorry you’re having a rough day, is there anything I can do to help?” 

Nora would never say it out loud but the hand placed on her back itself was enough to help ground her and soothe the storm in her chest. It was almost as if she could feel Kate’s gentle and calm demeanor flowing into her skin where they were connected. 

“I don’t think so, but I do appreciate having you to walk with on my way to work.” 

The petite woman nodded her head and dropped her hand from Nora’s back. She immediately missed the contact but quickly shut down that train of thought. She couldn’t afford to let herself want more from Kate than the casual just-more-than-acquaintanceship they had forged over the past weeks. She would even wager that they were becoming friends but Nora couldn’t risk it no matter how much she wanted to. 

Kate kept up a running commentary on various menial topics as they walked, weaving in jokes expertly that one by one loosened the tightly wound coil in Nora’s chest. The way the blonde laughed brought butterflies to her belly that she couldn’t help but enjoy. By the time the two of them made it to the doors of the costume shop, Nora had nearly forgotten about the fears that plagued her. Nearly. 

Only having a two-hour shift, Nora was rushing around to make sure all of her tasks for the day were completed. In the background for a while, she could hear Shirley arguing with her lilted voice about what she could only assume was the costume that Kate was having refitted for the show that weekend. 

“Shirley, we open in two days and Kate needs this tonight for dress.” 

The sound of pins spilling on the ground and an exasperated huff followed. 

“You think I don’t know that? I have been busting my ass through Costume Hell for weeks trying to keep up with your incessant and ever-changing demands for this show. I am not paid nearly enough for you to stand here and tell me how to do my job. Do you want me to finish this or not?” 

Nora was nearly used to Shirley’s brusque mannerisms by now but it always caught her off guard when she heard the woman’s stern and commanding voice being directed at an actual person. The young man who had been nagging at Shirley quietly backed away as Nora rounded the corner to see Kate standing on the platform in a burgundy dress with some of the most hideous fabric pieces she had ever seen sewn on in a funky, asymmetrical pattern. 

“Hey Nora! How d’you like my threads?” 

The time traveler chuckled as she watched Shirley work on pinning some new hems while chastising Kate for moving too much. Not wanting to be reprimanded for not working, Nora quickly kept walking towards her station, ready to start some of the fabric cataloging she was left in charge of. 

After a handful of minutes, the telltale sound of squeaky winter boots made their way to her desk. Nora looked up to see Kate grinning mischievously at her. 

“You look like you’re up to no good, Queen Kathryn. What have you gotten yourself into now?” 

The smile on the blonde’s face grew as she responded, “I have not gotten into any more trouble than you have already witnessed, my dear. I, however, would like to invite you out for drinks with my friends tonight after rehearsal.” 

“I..uh… I can’t. I’m not 21 yet and I don’t want to risk getting caught.” 

Nora’s panicked brain was not usually good under pressure but seemed to have delivered an adequate response this time. It’s not that Nora wouldn’t love to spend some time with Kate outside of the shop but she just couldn’t risk betraying the researchers and ruining their project.

Nora could almost see the thoughts rolling around Kate’s head, “That’s okay, I won’t pressure you into underage drinking. I’m bummed that you won’t be able to come, though.”

The pout on Kate’s face was nearly enough to get her to cave but she held strong. As she was ready to hammer the final nail in the coffin, Shirley called across the store.

“Miss Nora’s birthday is next week, Kate.” 

The brunette’s eyes widened to the size of saucers and her cheeks flushed red. How did Shirley know that? Kate’s eyebrows rose in excitement and she nearly vibrated in place.

“Nora, you have to let me take you out for your birthday! Please? My friends and I know this amazing bar that I think you would really enjoy.”

“I don’t know, Kate. I’m really busy right now.” 

Kate deflated a little but wasn’t quite ready to give up, “Please Nora, think about it. I will make sure you have a great time and you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You’ll love my friends.” 

Just then Shirley rounded the corner with the newly sewn costume for Kate. “I know you aren’t working that afternoon or the next morning, Nora. It would be good for you to get out and have a social life.” 

Nora was ready to deny the request once more when Dr. Fedelstein’s words from earlier echoed louder than the rest of the noise inside her head.  _ There are much better things to be experiencing out here in the land of the living.  _ One night of going out and meeting some new people couldn’t hurt the cause, she would just have to be careful with how much she had to drink.

Nora begrudgingly acquiesced to the blondes proposition and Kate did her trademark boogie that had become a habit whenever she got under Nora’s skin just right. The beaming smile coming from the woman was not one that Nora could ignore, so she gave a gentle grin back, letting herself feel a little bit of excitement at the prospect of getting to experience some of what New York City had to offer her. 

Kate quickly left after firming up some plans with Nora but she stayed on the time traveler’s mind for the rest of the evening. Nora couldn’t help but think about what exactly she was getting herself into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying the story, please, please write a comment! I love hearing from my readers!


	4. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there is a tense scene between Nora's mother and Nora at the beginning in italics, where there is mention of alcoholism and verbal/emotional abuse.

In the week and a half since Kate convinced Nora to go out with her friends for her 21st birthday, Nora had been oscillating between anxious and excited. The words of Dr. Fedelstein and the researchers in the future were at war in her mind, pulling and twisting as she ached for friends but was terrified of the consequences her actions could have for the future. The rumbling of uncertainty rolled around Nora’s brain and knocked carelessly into the neatly stacked jars containing the reason why Nora fled her time in the first place.

_ “Nora, why don’t you love me?”  _

_ A teenaged Nora with long hair tucked behind her ears sat at the kitchen table, calculus homework spread messily around her. Her shoulders tensed and her jaw clenched as she tried to breathe through the wave of nausea passing through her body. _

_ “I do love you, Mom.”  _

_ The gray-haired woman knocked her shoulder against the doorway as she stumbled into the kitchen, cursing the inanimate object up and down. She was wearing the same clothes as the day previous and walked towards the freezer where she removed a pint of whiskey. She clumsily tried to pour the whiskey into a bottle of Diet Coke before taking a hearty swig of the amber liquid.  _

_ “You do hate me, Nora. I’m a terrible mom, you never tell me how you’re doing anymore. All you ever do is work and homework and sleep when you’re around.” _

_ Slowly and carefully, Nora began to pack up her work into neat piles on the desk.  _

_ “I don’t hate you mom, I’m just really busy with work and school.” _

_ The older woman inched closer, scuffing the bottoms of her feet on the linoleum. She took a seat in the vacant chair next to Nora and the younger girl was overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol that seemed to be pouring from her mother’s skin.  _

_ “I don’t know why you think you need to work in high school, Nora.” _

_ “Because someone has to help dad pay the bills, Mom, he can’t do it on his own. And I need clothes for school, all of my jeans are worn out and my shoes are falling apart.” _

_ Nora’s mom’s face scrunched up and she slammed her hands on the table, a tear rolling down her face, “Why are you always pointing out my flaws? I know I’m worthless, you don’t have to rub it in my face.”  _

_ The older woman abruptly stood up and left for the other end of the house and Nora quickly began to pack up her things into her bag, anticipating what was to come next. She had made her mother cry and it was only a matter of time before her father would return from his 12-hour shift and make it abundantly clear that she was to never upset her mother. She hoped that maybe this once her father would give her a pass and allow her to go to sleep after her evening shift at the local ice cream shop instead of yelling and making her cry herself to sleep.  _

Nora looked around the dorm room she had been placed in for the time being and ran her hand along the empty walls. There was something about the blank space that comforted her, in this space she was anew. In this room there was no history to be rewritten, no stories to unfold, only her, the words yet to be spoken and the memories she was meant to uphold. Outside her window, cars honked and people chattered as they traversed the snowy sidewalks and she reminded herself of the importance of today, the importance of allowing herself to exist in this time and space where she has been handed the world on a platter to explore.

A knock to her door startled Nora from her musings and she frantically put all of her glass jars back on their shelves, neatly packing away the stories belonging to another girl from another time. Out of the peephole, Nora could see Kate standing with a paper bag in the hallway. She opened the door and smiled at the blonde, “Kate, what are you doing here? You’re early.” 

Nora stepped back from the doorway to allow Kate in and took the paper bag from her, placing it on her desk. “I’m sorry that I’m early, but I brought dinner, so hopefully that will excuse my unexpected arrival?” 

The brunette peeked in the bag and saw boxes of Chinese food stacked on top of each other. “I wasn’t sure what to get you,” Kate began from her stance near the door, “so I just got some fan favorites from the best Chinese restaurant in the neighborhood.” 

“I am sure that I will enjoy whatever you’ve picked out for me, Kate, but you still haven’t answered my question.” 

Nora motioned for Kate to come closer to the desk and to start dividing up the food. With her hands occupied and her gaze averted from Nora’s, Kate began to speak. 

“I know that you have been really hesitant about wanting to come out with my friends and me tonight. But I also wanted to make sure that you had something special on your birthday, even if you decided that you didn’t want to come out after all. I figured if I showed up here with food, you wouldn’t turn the food down and I would at least know that something nice was done for you today.”

The kindness of the blonde gave Nora pause as she felt a familiar fluttering in her stomach and warmth in her chest. Kate finally looked up from her task and blushed when she saw the look of pure adoration on Nora’s face. 

“I… well, thank you, Kate. This is really kind of you.”

Kate shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans and Nora watched as some melting snow dripped from her hair to her shoulder. 

“Well, I can go now, I just wanted to make sure that something nice still happened for you.” 

Kate backed toward the door and Nora quickly shot out her hand, stopping Kate’s departure. Blue eyes met green and matching grins spread on their cheeks. 

“There is plenty of food here, will you stay?” 

For the next hours, Kate and Nora chatted aimlessly as they enjoyed what was, indeed, the best Chinese food in the neighborhood. Kate watched as Nora curled her hair and put on some makeup, giving commentary on current fashion trends. Eventually, Nora began giggling so hard that she had to sit down on her bed and catch her breath.

“That last bit would be great in stand up, Kate.” 

The blonde guffawed, “You think so? That really was just some rambling nonsense.”

“No, really. You’re really funny Kate, I know you know that.” 

The blonde blushed and looked at her hands, “Logically, I know that. But it still catches me off-guard when someone comments on it.” 

Nora reached out and squeezed Kate’s hand, “Sounds like you just need to be told more often.” 

Kate nodded and gave Nora a soft smile, which sent a flutter through Nora’s chest.  _ You can’t get close to people, Nora _ .  _ You’re going to jeopardize the mission. _ The reprieve from vicious commentary in her mind was over and the brunette was strongly reminded of the lonely reality of her situation. She carefully extracted her hand from Kate’s and stood up, placing a few feet of space between her and the intimate moment that they just shared. 

“Do you think we should get going soon?” Nora questioned, ignoring the look of disappointment on Kate’s face. 

Kate looked at her watch and nodded, “It seems about time to meet them at the bar, are you good with walking a few blocks?” 

Nora chuckled to herself, “It’s New York.”

“That is very true,” Kate acquiesced. “But it’s been snowy and I just wanted to check.” 

The two women left Nora’s apartment and found themselves amidst a crowd of undergrads toppling over each other on the snowy sidewalk. Nora couldn’t help but gaze at the side of Kate’s face where her sandy hair peeked out from under her black knit cap in perfect alignment with the tip of her nose. Cherry blossoms bloomed on her cheeks and Nora could see each puff of air exhaled from her nose. Kate turned her head and caught Nora’s eye and neither could force themselves to look away. A moment of recognition flashed between them, a recognition they couldn’t quite place but made them both blush. Before the moment was over, a drunken freshman stumbled into Kate, throwing her small body into Nora, who caught her with tightly wrapped arms and a heavy exhale. Kate chuckled into Nora’s shoulder before slowly extracting herself, both women relishing in the warmth they felt in the embrace. 

“Freshmen, huh?” Nora quipped, trying to ease the tension building yet not quite ready for the moment to end.

“Heh, yeah. Freshman  _ boys _ is more like it.” Kate threw a wink in Nora’s direction and both girls gave soft laughs.

“I don’t know, Kate,” Nora returned. “I have spent quite a bit of time over at Barnard and girls can be  _ just _ as obnoxious.” 

Nora felt her chest tighten, that wasn’t part of the backstory she was fed by Dr. Fedelstein. She was supposed to be a transfer from Eugene Lang College, not an RA at Barnard who vehemently refused to transfer to Columbia. 

“I don’t blame you, there certainly are more ladies over there to pick from.” Kate shrugged her shoulders and puckered her lips, seemingly holding in a laugh.

Nora’s eyes went wide and she couldn’t help but scoff lightheartedly. “Are you, Kate Berthold, insinuating that I am not of pure mind and body?” 

Kate knocked her shoulder into Nora’s, “Perhaps.” 

The smirk on Kate’s face made Nora gasp and clutch at her chest, “Ouch, I am wounded!” 

The two women walked into the bar together, chuckling over their little exchange. Kate’s friends were all sitting around a circle table nursing their drinks and when they caught Kate’s eye, began enthusiastically waving their hands and shouting welcomes. The eclectic little group all seemed to have their own aesthetics, some adorned in dark clothing and makeup, others wearing cashmere sweaters with bright lipstick. 

A tall man with a knit cap folded around his ears and a striped sweater stood to envelop Kate in a tight hug, spinning her around before setting her on the ground. 

“Kate, dude,  _ where _ have you been? You haven’t come out with us in  _ so _ long!” With Kate back on the floor, he reached up to slide his circular glasses back up the wide bridge of his nose and smiled a shock of white in her direction. Nora smirked at the exchange, knowing for a fact that the tall man was exaggerating.

“It has not been that long, has it?” Kate ran a hand through her light hair, her face a mixture of confusion and guilt. 

“Yes, dude!” A shorter woman with curly red hair exclaimed with a slap of her hands on the table. 

“Oopsie, my bad.” Kate shrugged and the taller man clapped her on the back before gently pushing her towards the table. Nora still stood awkwardly by the table and the tall man stuck his hand out of her to shake, writing scrawled on the lighter skin of his palm.

“I’m Benji, you must be the Nora we have heard all about?” Nora blushed and nodded, giving Benji a firm shake.

“Yes, that must be me. All good things I hope.” 

Another woman with wavy hair snickered from her seat next to Kate, “Oh sunshine, nothing but good things. It’s your birthday, huh?”

Kate patted the seat next to her and Nora happily slid in next to her. Nora gave the group a big smile, matching the grins of those all around her. 

“It sure is. Finally can throw my fake away!” Nora laughed to herself, the joke funnier than her audience would understand. Dr. Fedelstein was a magician with Photoshop, that’s for sure. 

The group laughed and introduced themselves in a circle: Benji to her right, a fiery redhead, Evie, a quiet woman, Bari, and the exuberant Alejandra who already seemed to take immense pleasure in embarrassing Nora. They exchanged quiet conversation in the ambient lighting of the bar, reminiscing on the last theatre production that they all partook in. Nora noticed that the woman across from her, Bari, seemed to hesitate from joining the conversation and every once in a while would steal a glance at Kate for a moment too long. 

After a couple of rounds of drinks and one of the worst tequila shots Nora had ever taken, a band began setting up their equipment on the stage. Nora could feel the warmth of alcohol coursing through her veins and started swaying gently to the sounds of the mic check, composing a song in her mind out of the various drum beats, stray guitar licks, and nonsensical spoken word coming over the speakers. She felt a warm hand slide onto her thigh and give a firm pat, pulling her from her musings. Long, slender fingers were lightly shaking her leg and Nora couldn’t help but grin, the alcohol making it increasingly harder to fulfill the demands placed upon her by the researchers. 

Looking up, she could see Kate’s warm face turn into a grin before she removed her hand and started speaking. Nora forced herself not to frown at the loss of contact.

“Do you want to go dance with us? This is one of Evie’s favorite bands that play here, they’re a gay girl indie rock band.” 

All of the faces around the table looked expectantly at the brunette, Evie nearly vibrating in her seat with excitement for the dance floor. 

“Hmm, I don’t see why not.” 

The group stood quickly and Kate extended a hand out to Nora, who quickly grabbed it and pulled herself from her chair. She caught eyes with Bari and a shiver went through her spine at the chill that she saw, but she was quickly distracted by Alejandra grabbing her other hand and guiding her movements.

The band played a good set and the group danced with stops only to refill their drinks and to use the bathroom. Nora couldn’t help but watch Kate with rapt fascination as she moved about the dance floor. Blonde shag whirled in the air as she whipped her head back and forth, bouncing on the balls of her feet, utterly enraptured by the music. Not much of a dancer, Nora tried to emulate the movements of Kate and slowly moved closer to the woman. 

During a familiar chorus, Kate raised her face to the sky and began to sing the lyrics in a smooth alto that felt like shimmering gold in Nora’s ears. Kate, about as intoxicated as Nora, clumsily reached in her direction and Nora grabbed her hands, guiding them to her hips. 

“Let’s dance, dimples.” 

Kate was taken aback by Nora’s easy acquiescence but quickly recovered as she felt slim arms wrap around her neck, lightly twisting the strands of hair at the back of her neck. Their hips swung in time with one another, slowly inching closer and closer until Nora could feel a thigh press against the fly of her jeans. The light pressure was enough for Nora’s skin to prick with goosebumps and for butterflies to swirl lower and lower. Nora pulled Kate closer until she could feel hot puffs of air on her shoulder and blonde hair tickle the side of her face. 

As the song swelled to its climax, Nora and Kate both looked back at each other. Kate’s eyes were dark with desire and sweat slowly dripped down the side of her face. Both women leaned in simultaneously and their lips connected, neither sure who made the first move. Soft lips moved against Nora’s in a firm but gentle rhythm, unlike any kiss Nora had ever felt. Her head started to swim when she felt Kate’s tongue press against her lips and then her own, tasting the sweet remnants of her drink and begging for more. Hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans and began to knead, eliciting a moan from her throat and a nip at her bottom lip in response. Nora pushed her hands into Kate’s hair, tugging on the strands as she ground her hips into Kate’s thigh. As the song died down, Nora and Kate pulled back smiling at each other, still wrapped up in each other until a flash of panic ran down Nora’s spine.

_ Oh my god, what am I doing? Oh, I’m going to ruin the experiment, oh god, oh god. _

“I… I have to go…. I’m so sorry.” __

Nora quickly removed herself from the embrace, panic written all over her face, and fled from the dance floor, leaving a confused and hurt Kate in her wake. Without stopping, she grabbed her jacket from the table and ran outside into the winter snow, hailing the first cab that she saw. As she climbed in, she saw Kate rushing out the front door of the bar with Benji and Alejandra close behind. Tears welled in Nora’s eyes when she saw the pain and worry etched on the blonde’s face. This was exactly what the researchers warned her against.

Tears streaked down Nora’s face until she flung herself onto her twin-sized mattress, cuddling herself into the covers. It didn’t matter how many butterflies Kate put into her stomach or how incredible it felt to seem like the only person in the room. Nora couldn’t put the mission in jeopardy, Nora couldn’t put her world in danger. She heard the flip phone in the pocket of her jacket ring three times before it silenced for the night. As Nora drifted to sleep, she ached to be just a little bit older, to belong in the time she found herself a foreigner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it :) I'm having a great time writing this story.


	5. four

Nora awoke the next morning with a throbbing headache and weary muscles. Her mind was reeling from the night previous, how could she be so reckless? It didn’t matter that the feeling of Kate’s hands on her body made her feel things she had never felt before. She had explicit instructions to lay low and not get attached. She couldn’t put national security at risk. It didn’t matter that Kate looked at her like she was the only person in the world.

Did it?

Nora grabbed a granola bar from her closet and sat at her desk, cradling her head in her hands. Out of all of the opportunities for it to happen throughout her whole life, why was it now that someone as wonderful as Kate had to walk into it? The quiet woman could light up a room when she told a joke, already an artful master at comedy. Her tenderness and care shone through every interaction, Kate constantly wanting to make Nora feel seen and cared for. Nora couldn’t help but feel the same, wanting to reciprocate what exactly made Kate so endearing. 

Lost in her thoughts, Nora aimlessly worked her way through a morning routine. Leaving her hair wet to dry in loose waves around her shoulders, she bundled herself up for a walk around the city. Having grown up in Michigan, sometimes she liked to let her hair freeze in the morning because it reminded her of being a kid and the days when all she had to worry about was packing her snow pants so that she could play outside for recess. 

Out on the cold streets of New York, Nora walked with no real sense of where she was going. The snow under her boots was missing its familiar crunch, instead, it sloshed around in a slippery mess of dirt and water. As cars passed by on the street, she could hear their tires splashing and thought back to the first time she drove in the snow. She thought that after living in the Midwest her whole life that it wouldn’t be scary to drive in the snow and she had been sorely mistaken. With every turn, she could feel her back end slide and with every stop, she was almost certain she would slide right through the intersection. That anxiety felt much like how she did right now. 

Was she going to stop? Or was she going to slide right through? Would she smash into another car and flip everything upside down? Or would she safely land in the field, with nothing but tire tracks marking that she had been there? 

Before she knew it, Nora was walking through the front doors of the costume shop, the only place on the campus safe from the storm. Shirley was busy plucking away at a sewing machine near the back of the large room, wearing a scratchy black turtleneck and her dark locs piled on top of her head in a twist, the shock of gray twists framing her face as she bent over. Nora tried to silently latch the door behind her, but the click was still loud enough that Shirley jerked up from her work, startled. 

Nora looked apologetic as she crossed the room and Shirley shook her head and snorted. 

“Baby, what are you doing here on a Saturday?” 

The casual tone of Shirley’s voice was almost unnerving for Nora, having never encountered Shirley as anything but in a rush and taking care of business. The silence of a Saturday in the costume shop when barely any students were around to make her life a living hell. Nora shrugged and moved to sit at the desk she had claimed as her own, stacked with piles of designs, timelines, and other various pieces of paperwork that she honestly didn’t understand the point of in a costume shop. 

Not long after removing her winter clothes, she heard Shirley’s nails tapping across the hard shell of the sewing machine and she turned to face her. Carefully extracting the reading glasses from her face and placing them on the table in front of her, the older woman gave Nora the  _ look _ . 

“I know you went out last night for your birthday with Miss Kate and company, what happened to make you come mope in my shop on a Saturday?” 

Nora sighed and dropped her shoulders, choosing to play with the hem of her sweatshirt. Shirley’s fiery gaze was unrelenting.

“Something happened last night and I’m upset about it.” 

“Hmmph.” Shirley cocked an eyebrow at Nora; Nora didn’t need to be told twice.

“I kissed Kate last night and I wasn’t supposed to and I think I really hurt her feelings.” 

A long silence passed between the two women, “Well I’m glad to know my gaydar is still fully functional after all of these years not needing it.” 

Both ladies chuckled at the joke, taking it at face value as a means of relaxing the tense girl.

“Yeah, you sure got me.” The smile on Nora’s face didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Okay, baby, I gotta know. Why weren’t you supposed to kiss Kate last night? I know that girl is about as straight as a circle so that isn’t the issue.” 

Nora began to tell the story of the night, getting lost in the details, her cheeks blushing a rosy pink as she told Shirley about how much she liked the quiet girl. Noises of affirmation and encouragement spurred Nora on as she told all about how she panicked and ran from the dancefloor as if she had been burned, the thing she felt the guiltiest about. 

“If you’re so guilty about running from Kate, then why did you do it? I’m still not following, honey.” 

“It just… It’s against the rules and I don’t want to mess this up.” 

Shirley rolled away from her desk and took Nora’s hands in her own. “You know you’re safe here, right? You’re allowed to be yourself here.” 

Tears welled in Nora’s eyes but she didn’t let them fall. “It’s too dangerous, they told me it could ruin everything.”

Gears started clicking in Shirley’s head but she wasn’t going to let on. 

“Did you know I was just about your age when the Stonewall Riots happened?” Nora shook her head no and Shirley continued. 

“We marched for Gay Liberation on these streets so that young kids like you wouldn’t have to be afraid of loving each other. I remember attending a protest and listening to the lesbian feminists speak about our duty to love each other, the beauty of loving women and thinking to myself, ‘what a beautiful world it would be where we could be free to love each other openly, what a beautiful world it would be that I want to help create.’ And so I did, I marched with those women, I stood beside our gay brothers and transgender sisters as AIDS ravaged their communities. It is the disruption of love, the rejection of compassion that caused all of that pain and strife, it was love that healed those wounds. You are as safe as you can be here and whoever ‘they’ are, are wrong, you will not ruin anything.” 

Nora sucked in a shaky breath, not realizing until now that her tears had begun to fall. 

“How, how do you know? How did you know back then that your choices wouldn’t catapult the world into catastrophe?” 

Shirley patted Nora’s thigh and reached to wipe a tear from her cheek, “Because the world is so much bigger than me, sweetheart. I am one person and one person alone. I, alone, could never destroy this Earth if I am only acting with genuine and authentic compassion. No matter the stakes, no matter the cause, 21-year-old Shirley Okoro wasn’t going to destroy the world. And I promise Nora, no matter the stakes, you choosing love will not, either. Anyone who tells you otherwise is only doing you a disservice.” 

Nora nodded, hearing her message and letting it sit in her chest. How could Shirley be wrong? 

“Now, stop that crying and start filing those costume request forms so that I can get some headway done on this production, will ya?” Shirley winked and stood, her knees cracking as she pushed her chair back to her station. Nora nodded in agreement and the older woman walked towards the front of the shop to scan through some pieces she needed to work on. 

After about an hour, Nora heard the door open and shut but couldn’t see over a pile of fabric what was going on. Two sets of feet shuffled around the shop, stopping abruptly. 

“What are you two doing here? I thought your appointment was on Tuesday like normal.” 

Shirley’s no-nonsense persona was firmly back in place and it almost gave Nora whiplash, how could that woman and the soft woman who just held her hands as she cried be the same person? 

“I… I was hoping to catch you to have it done today if that’s okay.” The voice faintly filtering around the room made Nora’s heart drop to her stomach. She would recognize Kate’s rich alto voice and distinct cadence of speech anywhere. 

“Well Miss Kate, I suppose I can make time for you today. Come to the back with me real quick.” 

Nora’s eyes went wide and her heart started to hammer out of her chest. The sound of booted feet approached quickly and her palms began to sweat-- what was she going to do?

“Kate, will you just sit at my station right there? Don’t move. I want to take Alejandra back to the fitting room for a minute, she also has a piece on the rack and I know the alterations will be quicker than yours.” 

Kate’s blonde hair rounded the corner and she walked to the desk, still facing away from Nora, who was boxed into her desk with no way out other than the way Kate was coming in. Almost immediately upon sitting, Kate made eye contact with Nora and coughed, quickly looking away. Her hands anxiously rolled on the table before she pulled them into her lap, looking anywhere but at Nora. The quiet, non-confrontational girl would do anything to avoid being in unpleasant situations. 

Nora weighed her options and nearly decided to not say anything when Shirley’s head poked out of a fitting room curtain and gave her the  _ look _ . 

Nora squared her shoulders and sat up straighter, “Hi Kate.” 

Kate looked startled and color filled her cheeks. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed on it gently for a moment before faintly saying hi back. 

“I… I wanted to apologize for last night.” 

Kate’s eyes widened, “You wanted to apologize? Gosh, Nora, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I read the signs wrong and I am so sorry.” 

Nora scooted a little closer to Kate in her chair and Kate held impossibly still. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable, not even a little bit. You didn’t read the signs wrong, this is all on me, I am so sorry.” 

Nora was surprised with herself, she wasn’t sure she had ever been so forward with an apology before. Seeing the hurt and caution on Kate’s face was breaking her heart. 

“Then why… why did you run? Are you okay?” 

Worry etched on Kate’s face and Nora didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t tell Kate about her real job, her real reason for being in 2005. She pulled a shaky hand through her dark hair and worried her lip. 

“I, I was listening to someone in my life who had convinced me that getting close to people was wrong and I panicked. They aren’t around right now to keep telling me it’s wrong, but it still haunts me.” 

Boldly, Kate rolled herself a little closer to Nora and waited patiently for her to look at her face. After a few moments of silence, guilt and dread filled Nora’s features as she looked back. What she saw there, however, was no longer hurt or worry, but a quiet acceptance and compassion. 

“You’re allowed to get close to people, Nora. And I don’t know about you, but you’re just about the only thing in my life right now that I think is right. This friendship, this.. whatever it is, isn’t wrong. Maybe I’m a little naive in saying so, but I believe it wholeheartedly.” 

Nora’s shoulders relaxed from around her shoulders and her jaw unclenched. She was only one person and her happiness couldn’t possibly destroy the world, she didn’t have that kind of power, that kind of privilege.

The time traveler reached out her hand to take Kate’s and she reveled in the warmth she found there. They looked into each other’s eyes for long moments until Nora pulled their joined hands to her face, giving Kate’s a gentle kiss. Unwrapping her fingers from the blonde’s, she pressed both of their hands against her cheek and smiled. 

“Wanna try again?” 

Kate’s smile was brilliant as she shook her head. “Yeah, I would like that very much.” 

Just then, Alejandra and Shirley came busting out of the fitting room. 

“Oh thank god, chiquita, I thought you were going to mope around the apartment eternally.” 

Kate and Nora both laugh at Alejandra, who seemed to be equally as amused with herself. 

“Now why don’t you stop hiding out in here, Nora,” Shirley retorted, “and go spend some time with the ladies. I’m sure they have a thing or two they can show you about the city.” 

Nora looked at Kate, then Alejandra, and then Kate again. Kate stood and pulled Nora to her feet. 

“You heard the woman, now we better scram before I get another lecture about only ever picking costume pieces that are made for people much taller than me.” 

Alejandra gave them a warm smile before guiding them out of the building, Nora still trying to pull on the last of her winter gear from their hasty exit. 

“I think I’m going to head back to the apartment, Kate. But you two feel free to continue on your day without me,” Alejandra said with a wink. “I heard that it’s the last weekend for ice skating in Central Park.” 

Without a second thought, the long-haired girl started walking in the direction of the apartment she shared with Kate, leaving Nora and Kate to gape at each other on the stairs to the building. 

“Yknow, I grew up on a lake in the Midwest and I have never gone ice skating.” 

Nora tucked a piece of her hair and looked at Kate with contained excitement, hoping that she would take the bait.

“Well it sounds like it might be the last chance of the season to get that corrected,” Kate started with a smile. “It will only take us about 20 minutes on the bus to get there and I just so happen to know that the next one is due in,” Kate looked down at the clunky watch on her wrist, “about 5 minutes.” 

Nora gave Kate a big grin, one that almost hurt her cheeks in the frosty air. She held her gloved hand out for Kate who took it gently and gave a gentle tug, pulling her close. Their hands seemed to fit together perfectly and the thought made Nora smile. 

Nora would never tire of the chaos that was public transportation in the city. Some people are bothered by the constant chatter and the noise, but the sounds made Nora feel at home as it matched the level of noise that was constantly bouncing around her brain. It was easy for her to get lost in thought when she had nothing else to focus her attention on, but on the bus, if she wasn’t talking to Kate, she could focus on another conversation or the sounds of music pumping through the headphones of the little boy sitting next to her. 

Kate and Nora got off the bus in front of a clear path to the ice rink that was hopping with activity. Moms with small children were clunkily gliding on the ice with what Nora could only describe as miniature walkers. They stood in line for a while waiting to enter and rent some skates and Nora couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful Kate was with the sun shining on her face, her ivory skin glowing against the twinkling piles of snow in the park. 

Kate must have noticed Nora’s gaze as she cleared her throat uncomfortably and looked down at the laces of her boots. Nora chuckled and used her gloved hand to gently lift Kate’s chin to look at her. They were comparable in height, so when Kate did lift her chin, their noses seemed to perfectly align and their eyes had nowhere to look but at each other. 

Nora wanted to tell Kate how beautiful she thought she looked but the words caught in her throat. She opened her mouth to try but she was overcome by a wiggly feeling, a feeling that hadn’t always existed when she wanted to be open and vulnerable with someone else. She settled on a smile and squeezed Kate’s hand. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to teach me how to skate? I’m pretty uncoordinated.”

Kate lets out a bark of a laugh, “Between the two of us, I’m sure that it will be a miracle if we make it out without an injury. But I will try, anyway.” She winked at Nora and pulled her up to the booth where she asked for their skates and ordered them both a steaming cup of hot chocolate. 

With skates and drink in hand, the two women found a seat to trade their boots for skates. Nora’s hands started to shake, she was more nervous than she anticipated. She had jumped at Alejandra’s not-so-subtle suggestion that they go spend some time together that she didn’t quite think through what exactly she had signed up for. Kate seemed to notice and questioned if Nora was okay.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just a little nervous, is all. I’m not very good at rollerskating and I can’t imagine this is any easier.” 

Kate scooched closer to Nora on the bench and picked up the forgotten hot chocolate. 

“Here, drink some of this, we wouldn’t want it to go to waste.” 

Nora took the cup and began to drink from it, feeling the warmth slide down her throat and settling in her stomach. When she pulled the cup back, she couldn’t help but giggle at Kate, who had purposefully given herself the biggest whip cream mustache possible after taking a drink. 

“What are you laughing at?” Nora’s giggles were like bells tinkering in Kate’s ears and it made the blonde smile. “Is there something on my face?” 

Nora lifted her cup back to her face, giving the frothy cream ample time to collect on her upper lip. She cleared her throat before dropping her voice as low as it could go.

“Why hello kind sir, I do fancy your mustache style. Tell me, who is your barber?” 

Kate grinned and it reminded Nora of their very first conversation. She replied in earnest, an equally deep and atrocious British accent. 

“Why, I do it myself, chap. Any man worth his knickers knows how to cut his own hairs.” 

Nora could help but laugh, “Worth his knickers, really Kate? You are an embarrassment to all British people, you know that?” 

“That’s exactly how I like it, sweetcheeks. Can’t take yourself too seriously.” 

The jovial air around them settled as Nora noticed Kate’s eyes flick to her lips. Nora sucked in a breath as they both leaned minutely closer. Their breath was thick as it puffed from their mouths and Nora felt Kate’s hand cup her cheek. A soft thumb swiped at her upper lip and they held each other’s gaze for a long moment. 

After a moment, Kate pulled back, wiping her hand on a napkin before using the napkin to wipe her own face. “What do you say we try out skating, huh?” 

Nora nodded and wiped her hands on her pants before standing on wobbly legs. Kate steadied her by grabbing her forearms. 

“Small steps until we are on the ice and then I will help you the whole way, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

They wobbled towards the ice and Kate stepped on first, much more gracefully than Nora would have expected. Kate held out her hands and Nora took a steadying breath before bringing herself onto the ice. Her heart was hammering out of her chest.

“It’s okay, Nora, I’ve got you. Grab the wall, it will help.” 

For the next 45 minutes, the girls wobbled their way around the skating rink, Kate doing her best to help keep Nora afloat. As they had more laps under their belts, Nora got more confident and let her hand go off of the wall and Kate cheered for her small victory. For a few laps, Nora let Kate zoom around the rink and she watched from a snail’s pace as the small woman let herself loose on the ice. As Kate rounded back to Nora, the brunette managed to catch her toe on the ice and began to fall forward. Firm, slender arms wrapped around her waist, catching her and bringing them both to a stop. Kate pulled Nora back up from her tilted position and Nora laughed, thanking her. Kate pulled her closer and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, setting Nora’s face aflame. They shortly skated around to the exit and let themselves out, hobbling back to their bench to trade their skates for the security of winter boots. 

“That was really fun, Kate.” The blonde’s face lit up and she tucked her face into her coat a little before responding. 

“I’m glad you had fun, I did, too.” 

In unspoken agreement, Kate and Nora walked back out of Central Park hand in hand. They walked to the nearest subway to take them back to their neighborhood. As they stood huddled on the platform, Kate once again wrapped her arm around Nora’s waist, who took her chance to tuck herself into the embrace and lay her head on Kate’s shoulder.

On the subway, they chatted aimlessly about Kate’s latest theatre production and Nora’s dream research projects. Nora learned that while Kate wasn’t as interested in the social sciences, she actually spent a bit of her spare time learning quantum mechanics and astrophysics, which made Nora’s jaw drop. 

“I knew you were smart, but holy shit, Kate.” 

The girls had a good laugh at that and Kate explained to her the latest concept she had read about. When they emerged back above ground, Kate walked Nora back to her dorm building without letting go of her waist. When they reached Nora’s door, the brunette paused before unlocking the door and turned to face Kate.

“I had a good time today, I really am sorry about last night.” 

Kate scratched the back of her neck, “I mean, it did hurt watching you run from me like that but I forgive you. I had a fantastic time today and if you’re okay with it, I would love to do it again sometime.” 

Both girls’ pink cheeks gave away their feelings and Nora smiled shyly. “I would really like that, too.” 

Having taken a step back from Nora, Kate found herself getting close once again, wrapping one hand around Nora’s hip and bringing the other to cup her cheek. Their lips were mere inches apart and Nora could feel Kate’s breath on her face.

“I would really like to try that kiss again if that’s okay.” 

Instead of replying, Nora closed the distance and kissed her sweetly. The kiss wasn’t too long or too short and when they pulled back, Kate and Nora had matching smiles. Slowly, Kate unentangled herself from the embrace, only leaving a hand to hold Nora’s.

“Have a good night, NP.” Nora could feel her chest catch at the new nickname, one so uniquely Kate. 

“You too, Kate.” 

The blonde gave her hand one final squeeze before retreating down the hallway and into the elevator. Nora let herself into her dorm and flopped on her bed, squealing into her pillow before clutching it to her chest. Nothing could infiltrate the pure joy swirling in her mind and the warmth radiating from her chest. For the first time in a long time, Nora felt… happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments :)


	6. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be my favorite chapter yet! I'm having such a good time writing this, please let me know what you think!

_“Nora, you can’t leave us. Please, stay here. You can get your degree here.”_

_Nora wrapped her arms around herself as her mother begged her to stay. Her father’s stern face was the center of her vision. His voice was loud and angry as he demanded that she stay, warning her of the catastrophic potential of her chasing her dreams._

_“I won’t stay here! If you really loved me, you would want me to go. You would encourage me to go! I can’t be trapped here in this town forever, this place is terrible for me, this place is terrible for everyone and you know it! You and mom tried to leave, why can’t I?”_

_“Things were different for us. And look, we ended up back here just the same. You are needed here, you have a duty here. You cannot let us down.”_

_Nora clamped her fist around the handle of her last suitcase and began walking towards the SUV she had secretly rented to fill with all of her belongings. She harshly placed her bag and shut the liftgate. She turned around, a fire returning to her eyes that had been gone for quite some time._

_“I have put you two and your well-being first for years. It is time that I do something for myself. You always say that if I leave, if I stop helping, if I stop bleeding myself dry for you that the whole world will come crashing down on my head. But it hasn’t. And it won’t. I’m doing this for me and I won’t let you guilt me for it.”_

_Her parents’ eyes began glowing red, teeth transforming into fangs, evil smiles growing to an unnatural shape and size._

_“Just you wait, Nora. You do this for yourself and the world will end for you as you know it.”_

Nora startled awake, chest heaving and sweat dripping down her back. She gripped the edges of her bedsheets until her knuckles turned white, frantically trying to calm her breathing. She sucked air in through her nose and released from her mouth, over and over until her heart rate slowed and the dizzy feeling in her mind slowly came to an uneasy ache. These nightmares had been coming less frequently since leaving for 2005 but the last few nights had been an exception, nightmares plaguing her every sleeping moment and bleeding into the light of day where she couldn’t escape the tumultuous feelings of guilt, fear, and grief. 

The nightmares had returned after her date with Kate, a date that had gone so wonderfully that Nora wanted to chase the glittery, joyous feelings with every bone in her body. That night as she went to bed her mind danced around a fantasy land with stolen kisses and late-night adventures, things she had only dreamed of having but now seemed to be just on the horizon, just within her grasp. By the next morning, her excitement had been tinged by the dark gray cloud hanging over her head filled with memories of mistakes and regrets. 

She hadn’t seen Kate in a couple of days but did receive the occasional text just checking in. It would make Nora smile to herself that Kate would still use full sentences despite how tedious it was without a full keyboard. With the limited amount of contact she had with Kate following their afternoon together, it made it easier for Nora to convince herself that she needed to end her brief entanglement with the blonde. It didn’t matter that Kate made her happy, it didn’t matter what Shirley said to convince her to chase love, she was told not to do this and that it’s wrong. She couldn’t bear to face the consequences, not again. 

The next time she saw Dr. Fedelstein also came within days of her date with Kate and the man seemed to be more frazzled than usual. He was frantically scribbling on a yellow notepad and appeared to be muttering some nonsense to himself. As she let herself into the lab, she began to unwind her scarf from around her neck and placed it with her coat on a hook by the door. Right before she sat in the chair across from Dr. Fedelstein at his desk, he looked up from his work and gave her a bright smile. 

“The world is our oyster today, Nora, and I’m going to tell you why.” 

Nora nodded her head, deeply interested in what kind of revelation he could possibly have for her. 

“Wait, hold on,” Dr. Fedelstein stopped himself. “Something seems different about you, Nora. You seem… conflicted almost. I need you in tip-top shape today so out with it, what is on your mind?” 

Nora’s eyes widened, she had never had two people so accurately pinpoint her askew emotions in one week before, let alone a boss she kind of knew and a man she met with only semi-regularly. She wondered if maybe on top of his groundbreaking research, Dr. Fedelstein was also practicing aura reading or some other empathic practice. 

“I-- I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about, Dr. Fedelstein.” 

The man pressed his lips into a tight line and forced a breath out of his nose. He placed his notepad and pencil down in front of him and folded his hands together on top of the desk. 

“I believe that you do know what I am talking about. You know, Shirley and I do communicate and she told me about how this past weekend you were having some interpersonal issues but she said they seemed to end off on a positive note. She gave no details, I promise, but if you are having some strife during the course of this experiment, I would like to know. The goal is to keep you as happy and healthy as possible so that this whole process is as easy as possible for everyone involved.” 

Nora sighed, it was almost like these people were out to get her. She had been handling her emotions on her own perfectly well for years and after spending a handful of weeks in a different decade, she was laid bare for everyone to see. She didn’t want to confront these things, not here, not with this man, not ever. 

“Shirley convinced me to go on a couple of dates with someone and they went well. But I can’t possibly continue with it, it’s not fair to anyone involved. I’m here for one thing and one thing only. Everything else is just gravy.” 

“Yes, Nora, that is my point exactly!” Nora looked at him with bewilderment, she didn’t even realize he was trying to make a point. 

“Everything else _is_ gravy. Gravy is what makes a meal perfect, gravy takes meat and potatoes, the heart of the matter, and improves it, consolidates it under this liquidy, warm, flavorful perfection! Is it necessary? No. But the best things in life happen when you let yourself have more than your needs met. You may have been recruited, for one thing, to come and be the guinea pig for this project, but Nora, if you’re not here for yourself, what are you doing this for?” 

Nora’s knee started anxiously bouncing on the floor. She couldn’t help but think to herself just how much more complicated life seemed than Dr. Fedelstein made it out to be. It wasn’t that simple, every action had its equal and opposite reaction, it was a law for God’s sake. Nora could chase her gravy now but what would happen in less than a year’s time? What kind of impact would she leave on the world around her? What was she going to ruin? She couldn’t take that risk. No, she needed to do what she needed to do and nothing more. 

“I’m here for the job, I’m here for what I will get at the end.” 

The older man leaned back in his chair, kicking a foot up onto his desk. “Well, Nora, you’ve successfully made it to the past. You have lived in the past. We can end this right here, right now. Unless there is another reason why you chose out of everything in the world to do for tuition money or whatever it is the researcher’s promised you to spend a year in a foreign time living a foreign life. What is your why, Nora?” 

Nora stayed silent. She knew inside her heart the answer but she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, not here, not to this man, not ever. Time ticked on the clock, Dr. Fedelstein patiently waiting for a response for much longer than socially acceptable. When he realized he wasn’t going to get an answer from the younger woman, he brought his feet back to the floor and looked at her intently, nearly staring into her soul.

“I’m gonna let you in on a little bit of what’s going on here, scientifically and morally of course. As you know, I am aiming to design the first-ever time travel technology and because you’re here, I can only assume that I get it right. Time travel opens the world up to a universe of possibilities. What if we could study the dinosaurs while they roamed around us? What if we could sit in on the meetings that have irrevocably changed the trajectory of history? What if we could find the root of all evil, of all problems, and bring that information back to heal the present and build a better future? 

“But, of course, as with anything, there are downsides to creating this work, incredibly dangerous and harmful potential consequences. Over the years of developing the basis of my idea, researching and creating theories, and running equation after equation I have questioned myself and my motives. Was I doing this for the right reason? Was I truly going to use this technology for good or would I give it to the hands of someone who was only interested in using it for destruction? Those are the questions I face and those are the questions that we all seem to face, at least metaphorically.” 

Dr. Fedelstein stood from his chair and crossed the room to stand in front of a rolling whiteboard covering a wall of used chalkboards and began to pace. 

“You sitting here today tells me the answer that I must come to at some point but beyond that here is the conclusion I have come to. Every decision I have made up to this point, every shred of research I have conducted, every conclusion I have drawn cannot be undone. This is my legacy and even if I destroy the records, I cannot take it back and that makes it my responsibility to carry. It’s a heavy weight to carry but do you want to know why I don’t turn my back on this research, Nora?” 

The man barely gave Nora the chance to nod, but nod she did, enraptured by this man’s impassioned speech.

“I choose to continue because I know that I am the only person who can keep this information safe, I am the only person who can make sure that this research stays pure. The fact that I can and do question my motives, that I can and do question the harm it can do to the world proves that I am still capable of creating a beautiful machine that will be used for good. That may be naive now, that may all change, but if that changes, it will not be because of the choices I am making here today. It will not be because I chose to chase this dream, it will not be because I made the choice to pursue happiness. Someone, somewhere, will have this idea. Someone, somewhere, will pursue this project, and who knows if they, too, are seeking truth and beauty.

“Here, in this moment, I get to create beauty. I get to change lives. I get to choose the mark I will make on this world, now. That is why I do this, that is why I take the risks, that is why I do what feels right. And so should you, Nora. You came here for a reason. So here you are. Use this time to explore that why, use this time to learn, to grow, to live, to love. You will never get the opportunity to be here, in this moment, like this again. If I can pursue this project despite its potential for destruction because I know of the world of possibilities it can bring, you can do it, too. We cannot live in fear of the ‘what if’.”

Nora’s mind spun with all of the information swirling in her mind. It was a lot to process, nearly silencing the screams telling her to run and hide from this man, from Kate, from herself. She couldn’t bring herself to agree with everything the man was saying, she wasn’t sure she could ever take the risk of developing something that had the potential to destroy their world as they knew it. But the words and feelings he had were powerful, his message was strong and infiltrated every cell in her body. Listening to why he made his decision and why he was so willing to risk it all made Nora realize that she was in a similar situation. She had to see through what she started, the beauty on the horizon was more enchanting than her fear of what will come at the end. She couldn’t live in the “what if”. 

“This is your now, Nora. Your past has brought you here but you get to steer your future. But you’ve got to choose it. You’ve got to choose the beauty.”

Just as quickly as he jumped into action, Dr. Fedelstein fell back into scientist mode, scribbling some nonsense on the whiteboard that meant absolutely nothing to Nora. 

“I think you have gotten more than enough information out of me today, Ms. Collins. Feel free to see yourself out, I will see you soon.” 

Without turning to face Nora, the older man dismissed Nora from his office. She wrapped herself back up into her coat and scarf and left the old science building. The last time that she made a choice for herself, a choice for her happiness, the consequences were tragic and world-altering. She was forever changed as a person and she carried scars on her heart that would forever pull and tug with every moment, every decision, every milestone. 

But what if it could be life-altering and world-changing in the most beautiful of ways? What if the ending was worth the journey? 

Nora walked the streets of the city across her campus and couldn’t help but let her curious mind wander. Dr. Fedelstein had instilled a hope in Nora that had always lurked in the shadows of her mind, almost as if it was waiting for its time, for when it would be safe. She was safe here, she was protected from the mess she had left in the future, maybe just this once she could try. Maybe just this once she could choose herself. 

She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket as she climbed the stairs to the building that housed the costume shop, seeing another message from Kate on the tiny screen.

_Hi Nora, what are you doing tonight?_

The message was simple but it made Nora’s heart flutter. The weight on her shoulders seemed lighter and she tried to let herself feel the joy that the small communication brought. She rounded the corner into the costume shop and nearly immediately heard Shirley’s voice call across the floor. 

“Nora Collins, is that you? You’re late.” 

Nora checked the time on the wall, it was 5 pm exactly. 

“No, I’m not, my shift is from 5-7 tonight and it’s 5 now.” 

Shirley walked up to Nora standing near the doorway. “Child, you act like you have never done theatre before in your life. If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. If you’re late, you’re dead. Now follow me, I have a mission for you for your shift tonight.”

The antics of the adults in her 2005 life were slowly getting less and less surprising, so Nora just turned on her heels and followed Shirley up to the third floor of the building. 

“Nora, you’re new to Columbia, so I’m sure you don’t know this, but they put on this production called the varsity show every year. It’s written, produced, and directed by students and it’s usually some satire about the school. For most productions, we have some kind of graduate student costume designer, but for this it is undergraduates. What I need is for you to be my eyes and ears in rehearsals here and there so that you can not only learn the intricacies of the production but so that you can be a real assistant to the production. Your sewing skills are abysmal, but your organization is out of this world. I talked to the director and producers and we all agreed that someone from the costume shop needs in on the team and I just do not have the time or the energy to keep up with you kids. Can you handle this?” 

Nora gulped, this seemed a bit out of her scope of expertise. Shirley didn’t sugarcoat and she sure as hell didn’t lie, so if she thought Nora was right for the job, then she must be. Nora nodded and Shirley smiled. 

“Great. Rehearsal starts at 5:15 in room 335 B down the hallway. Get in there and introduce yourself, tell ‘em I sent you. I gotta get back downstairs and finish the alterations for the ballet production next week.” 

Nora gave Shirley a soft smile and the woman left in a huff back down the hallway to the elevator. There were only about 10 doors down the corridor she stood in front of, so Nora took her time walking the hall and preparing herself for her first theatre production in years. She used to do theatre productions in high school but that seemed like a lifetime ago.

About halfway through the doors and on the left sat a door with a golden knob and “335 B” scrawled in what looked like stencil and marker. She wondered to herself how an institution as affluent as Columbia could have a door that looks like this anywhere on its grounds. Inside the door was a group of kids all around her age that she didn’t recognize chatting together in a clump. She saw a flash of fiery red hair bound around the clump, skidding to a halt when she laid eyes on Nora. 

“Nora! It’s been so long! You must be here as Shirley’s liaison, huh?” 

Evie, from the bar on her birthday, was wearing a sweater patterned with strawberries and lowrise jeans that _screamed_ the mid-2000s. Nora nodded and looked around the room, taking in the scattering of posters and bookshelves filled with scripts and scores. 

“I am the student costume designer on the project, you can just sit with me as we watch the read through tonight, okay? We will be here until about 7:15 and then you’re free to leave.” 

Nora took a seat with Evie at a long table that she assumed would sit the stage management team and director. Soon thereafter, the clump of people on the stage dispersed and from the center of the crowd, tiny Kate strutted to a chair on the pseudo-stage, positioned in the circle to be directly in Nora’s line of sight. As she made herself comfortable, she looked up and locked eyes with Nora and a shy smile splayed on her face, her deepest dimple making an appearance. The blonde’s cheeks turned a little rosy and Nora waved at the timid girl. 

Soon enough, the director started introducing the cast to each other and Kate immediately sat up straighter and seemed to embody the character she had been assigned in the musical-- Zeus, god of the sky. Nora laughed a little to herself, of course the shy, sweet girl would be cast to play the womanizing jackass of a god. With his introduction, the director told the cast and the crew the premise of the script: Homer decided to tell a story once more about Columbia’s first 250 years and brought Zeus with him who stirred up some trouble. 

For almost the entirety of the rehearsal, Nora sat in rapt fascination listening to the cast read-through, thoroughly enraptured by Kate’s already impeccable delivery of Zeus’s lines and his embodiment of arrogance and lust. It almost seemed like with each passing innuendo in the script, Kate fought to keep her eyes on her script or her scene partners. Just once, however, on a particularly salacious line, her gaze shifted to Nora’s, and the fire there was unbridled and _real_ . Nora shifted in her seat uncomfortably and was blown away by the woman in front of her. She had a natural talent that shone through and eyes that seemed to only be for _her_.

The cast didn’t quite make it to the end of their read through before their rehearsal was over. As the cast members began packing up their things, Kate sauntered over to Nora’s desk and shoved her hands on the pocket of her pants. Her short, choppy hair was a mess on her head and she was wearing men’s sweatpants and a sweatshirt that she must have picked up from a gay thrift store in midtown. 

“Hey Nora, did you get my text earlier?” 

Nora smiled wide, completely lost in Kate’s eyes, and charmed by her soft demeanor. “I did but it was right before I got here, so I didn’t have time to respond.” 

Kate bit her lip and rocked on her heels a bit. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to mine for dinner tonight? Alejandra will be out and I don’t like cooking for myself.” 

“I would love nothing more. Let me just make sure that Evie doesn’t need anything from me and I will be ready to go.” 

Nora packed up her things and wrapped herself back into her coat. She found Evie talking to the director and she waited patiently for a lull in the conversation. Evie was quick to acknowledge her presence.

“You look all ready to go, Nora. You should be all set, I will get the annotated script to you with my costume plans and some baseline stage directions soon.” 

Evie looked over Nora’s head and gave someone a wink before looking back at the brunette. 

“See ya later, Evie. Have a good night.” 

“You too, Nora.” Evie winked again and the feeling of a hand slipping into Nora’s confirmed her suspicion that Evie had been picking on Kate with her winks. 

As Kate and Nora walked out of the rehearsal space, they tightly gripped each other’s hands, enjoying for the first time the feel of skin instead of fabric gloves as they traversed the building’s hallways. As they spilled out into the street, the sky was dark but street lights illuminated their faces. The orange glow cast perfect shadows on Kate’s face, highlighting her cheekbones and the slight curve of her nose. 

“You were incredible in there, Kate. I’m absolutely blown away.” Nora’s words were sincere as she spoke them, she had never seen such raw talent by someone her own age before. 

Kate nervously tucked some hair behind her ears and she dropped her chin to the shoulder on the other side of her body. “I’m really not that good, but thank you.” 

Nora stopped dead in her tracks, Kate’s arm being yanked a little before she, too, stopped. She reached up to tuck the piece of hair that had been jostled back behind Kate’s ear and then cupped the thin girl’s jaw. “Kate. You are a wonderful actress. Don’t dismiss yourself, you’ve honed this skill to incredible levels already and you’re only 21. That isn’t a feat to scoff at.” 

Kate looked down at her shoes and started to chew on her bottom lip. She let out a shaky breath and a quiet “Okay.” Nora rubbed her cheek with her thumb, accepting that Kate probably didn’t believe her words but was satisfied that Kate didn’t believe her own self-dismissal enough to argue with her. 

When they made it back to Kate’s apartment, they were laughing incredulously at a story Kate was telling about some of the shenanigans her friend group partook in on the NYC streets. 

“And you’re telling me that you don’t participate in any of this? You’re just an innocent little bystander?” 

“Why do you sound like you don’t believe me? I don’t particularly care to have all the attention on me and I certainly do not want to get in trouble with the shit they do. So I just watch and make sure no one gets hurt.” 

Nora snorted a laugh and followed Kate through the open door to the apartment. Inside was as small as could be expected for two undergraduate students but it was tidy and filled with life. Art covered the walls and various musical instruments sat throughout the living space. A particularly large yet beautifully crafted guitar caught her eye, so she walked over to it to get a better look. 

“You play?” 

She could feel Kate sidle up next to her and place a warm hand on her back. “A little, yeah.” 

Nora turned to face the blonde who was eye-level with her now that they had shed their winter boots. Kate’s face was pressed in a tight smile and she bit her lip under the intense gaze. Nora wanted to reach her arms up and wrap them around Kate’s neck, bringing them closer together, but she stopped herself, not quite sure with what kind of affection the small girl liked. 

Sensing the shift in body language, Kate snuck her hand that had settled on Nora’s hip when she turned around to her tailbone and gave a gentle pull allowing Nora to make the decision to come closer. Pale hands came to rest on Kates’s shoulders, not quite wrapping around her neck but still intimately placed. Kate’s free hand reached up to comb through soft, dark tresses. 

“I would really like to kiss you again.” Kate’s voice was soft and mild but her eyes were steadfast. Nora nodded and leaned forward, closing her eyes just before their lips touched. 

Kate’s lips were smooth and tasted faintly of cherries as they moved against each other. The kiss didn’t last long before Kate pulled away with a radiant smile. 

“Are you hungry?” A smirk played on Kate’s lips as her eyebrows quirked.

“Starving.” The connotation didn’t escape either of the women. Kate took Nora’s hand and guided her to the kitchen. The space was small, so Nora stood near the edge and leaned against the archway. She watched as Kate whizzed around the kitchen, expertly preparing ingredients for their meal. 

“Kate, is there anything you don’t do well?” Nora crossed the threshold to stand closer to Kate for a moment, peering over her shoulder as she sliced zucchini into perfect sticks. The blonde leaned back into Nora, resting her head on her shoulder and giving her a soft smile. Nora wrapped her arms around Kate’s waist and pressed a kiss to her cheek. They stood for a long moment wrapped together, Kate resting her hands on top of Nora’s where they pressed into her bellybutton. With a quick kiss to Kate’s lips, Nora released the small woman so that she could finish making their dinner. 

When all was said and done, both women had plates of fried zucchini with perfectly grilled chicken breasts and freshly steamed broccoli florets. They sat on the couch together and within the first two bites, Nora couldn’t help but moan in delight. As she finished, she felt like she had been treated to the best home-cooked meal she’d had in years. 

“This is delicious, Kate, thank you so much for cooking for me. I have never liked zucchini until now.” 

“I’m glad you like it! I spend way too much time watching the food network, it’s my comfort show when I’m stressed out.” 

Nora gave a soft laugh, “My go-to is usually some kind of law and order. I personally prefer the one with Mariska Hargitay. Between her, Stephanie March, and Diane Neal, hoo boy am I a fed and happy gay.” 

This time Kate laughed and nodded her head. “Oh, I do love a good episode of SVU. I’m surprised you know all of their names. You usually seem kind of oblivious of pop culture.” 

“Listen, when there are pretty ladies, I am going to know their name. You should know that, Queen Kathryn McKinnon Berthold.” 

Putting her finished plate onto the coffee table, Kate scooted a little closer to Nora on the couch. Their thighs were touching and a pale hand made its way to Nora’s thigh, resting gently. Both women couldn’t help but smile at remembering the first time they met and the silly interaction that ensued.

“Of all the names you could know, I am glad that is one of them.” Kate leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nora’s shoulder and then rested her head there. Nora placed her plate on the coffee table next to her and wrapped her arms around the blonde. Kate snuggled into her embrace and let out a soft sigh. It seemed as though Kate was always her happiest when she was curled up in Nora’s arms. After a little while, Kate cleared her throat. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” 

Nora shifted in her seat, “Sure, what do you have?” 

Kate removed herself from the embrace, “I have some on DVD and some on VHS. If you want, the collection of VHS tapes is over on that bookshelf and I can go retrieve my DVD collection from my room.”

“Okay.” Both women stood up and Nora made her way over to the bookshelf housing the VHS tapes. She dragged her finger along the spine of every season of the X-Files and almost a dozen of various Saturday Night Live tapes. Her fingers stopped in the Disney collection, hovering over one that she had only seen once as a child: Hercules. 

When Kate returned with an armful of her favorites, Nora was standing with Hercules hugged to her chest and the sweetest puppy dog face she had ever seen. The blonde couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of her.

“Is that the one you wanna watch?” 

Nora nodded and Kate chuckled, “Okay, sweet girl. I will go put these back, give me just a second.” 

Nora dropped to the floor in front of the television and started fiddling with the VCR on the top shelf of the tv stand. She hadn’t used one of these in probably 14 years and her memory of what buttons exactly she needed to press were evading her. Right as Kate walked into the living room, Nora stuck her finger through the slot and realized there wasn’t another tape that needed to be ejected. 

“Whatcha doin’, NP?” 

Nora froze and turned her head, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. 

“I’m just trying to get the movie started,” she said nervously with a laugh. 

Kate kneeled down next to her and placed a hand on the small of Nora’s back. “Do you want some help?” 

“No,” Nora pouted. “I am independent, I can figure it out.” Nora flipped the tape in her hand around a handful of times before looking back at Kate. “I can’t remember which side goes up.” 

“Okay, grandma,” Kate said with a kiss to the top of Nora’s head. “You put the title label up and just slide it in.” 

Without letting Kate grab the tape from her, Nora pushed the movie into the rectangular machine and waited for it to slide into place before fiddling with the buttons on the TV that looked as wide as 7 normal TVs piled front to back on the stand. 

“You need to put it on channel 3.” Kate’s voice was calm and gentle.

“Okay, usually mine would need to be set to AV. And I know that we will have to rewind the movie, I’m not completely technologically inept.” 

“Okay, IT master, I will go pop some popcorn while you do that.” With another kiss to the top of her head, Kate left Nora alone to get the movie back to the beginning. 

At about the same time, Nora pressed play and Kate returned with a fresh bowl of popcorn. They joined each other on the couch, Kate placing the bowl in Nora’s lap so that she could sling one arm around the brunette and pull her close. Not long into the movie, Kate grabbed a piece of popcorn and tried to balance it on the curve of Nora’s nose.

“Hold still, I almost have it!” 

Nora tilted her head a little further back to accommodate the puff staying on her face but couldn’t stop the slight shake of her shoulders from suppressing a laugh. Eventually, the piece of popcorn rolled down her face and she popped it into her mouth, chewing with a smile. Kate’s blue eyes seemed to be deeper than normal and her dimples were faintly showing in the hollows of her cheeks as she smiled at Nora. 

As their eyes caught in the moment, Nora felt something in her shift, click into place. This was where she was supposed to be. How could she look at this beautiful, enchanting woman and think any differently? She was here for a reason, and even if this couldn’t be permanent, she knew that her life could only be made better by letting this strange, small woman in. 

Kate reached up and tucked a piece of Nora’s hair behind her ear, letting her fingers linger in the strands. Her eyes zigzagged around the points of Nora’s face, completely taking in the woman she was falling for. Nora blushed under her intense gaze but didn’t let her face fall, choosing to look back at Kate, to take in as much of this moment as she could.

“You’re beautiful, Nora. I don’t think I have ever seen eyes as beautiful as yours, the greens and the golds swirl together so intricately. Your lips are a perfect little pout.” Kate took her finger and traced it down the bridge of Nora’s nose before gently brushing her thumb across her lower lip. Nora puckered her lips and pressed a small kiss to the pad of her thumb. Kate’s thumb traveled down to her chin where Kate used her forefinger to pinch gently and bring Nora’s face closer to hers. 

Their lips closed together and Nora could feel fireworks exploding in her chest. Kate’s lips were soft and smooth as they moved against hers. A hand slid up into blonde hair, twisting around the roots behind Kate’s ear and giving a gentle tug, causing the smaller woman to make a quiet noise into Nora’s mouth. They kissed for a long time, forgetting the movie entirely as they took their time getting familiar with each other. With only a few knocks of teeth and slightly misdirected kisses, they found solace in each other's arms. They didn’t venture further than each other’s lips and they both were okay with that, neither woman needing or ready to take it further. 

By the time Nora’s head hit her pillow that night, her head was dizzy with the euphoria of Kate. Deeply tucked away were any thoughts of her past or any guilt that she had been feeling about letting herself do this one thing for herself. She had never felt anything like this before and she could only hope that she could do the same for the strange woman who was taking her heart.


	7. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I'm finally done with my semester, so there should be quite a bit more time in my schedule to write :)

As the ground began to thaw and the air to warm, so did Nora to the idea of happiness for the sake of happiness. Her dates with Kate were frequent and joyful, something she couldn’t remember ever having in her life before. It was odd for the brunette to have someone in her life who was so utterly enthralled with her being, not with what she could do or create. For the past week, they had sat together huddled over a table in the library, studying away for their midterms. Currently, Kate had a pencil tucked behind her hair, her tongue slightly poking between her lips as she tried to figure out the math for a physics problem. Nora sat quietly next to her, trying to focus on a chapter of Judith Butler’s  _ Gender Trouble _ , but nothing would be able to hold her attention like her girlfriend, especially not the philosophical ramblings of yet another feminist writer trying to prove their intelligence by creating content that was so unreadable it effectively gatekept academic feminism from those who could not afford a top-tier education.

“I can feel you staring at me, NP.” Kate didn’t look up from her work but had a smirk with the slight indent of a dimple showing on her face. 

“I can’t help it, you’re just so pretty.” Kate blushed and brought the pen in her hand to her mouth, chewing on it a little as she looked up at Nora. Nora bit her bottom lip as she waited for a response.

“I think you’re just sick of reading that gender theory, considering how much shit you’ve been talking under your breath about it.” 

It was Nora’s turn to blush, she didn’t realize that she had been giving voice to her inner monologue. Kate’s grin was shit-eating and Nora grabbed a wadded up straw wrapper and threw it at her face. 

“Listen, what Butler did for feminist theory was revolutionary, but I don’t need to read this pedantic showboating to get the point. I could say 35 pages of this book in probably two and a half.” 

“That was a fifty-cent word, there, Miss Collins.” Kate pulled the mini straw out of her coffee and brought it to her lips, taking a drag as she stared at Nora. 

“You’re not the only one with an extensive vocabulary, Miss Berthold.” Matching smiles graced the girls’ faces. “You are the only one, however, who would take a physics class just for the hell of it.” 

Kate barked out a laugh, “Yes, I do suppose it’s rather odd for a theatre major to be taking a math-heavy natural science for fun.” 

Nora looked at the watch on her wrist and groaned. “I have 15 minutes to scoot over to the costume shop. Want to walk me there?” 

“I would like nothing more.” 

Slipping on light jackets and packing their things back into their bags, Kate and Nora left the library together. As they spilled out onto the sidewalk, Kate grabbed hold of Nora’s hand and began to swing it gently between them. It always amazed Nora just how much Kate enjoyed physical affection and it brought a blush to her cheeks when a stray touch came unexpectedly. 

On the walk to the shop, Kate and Nora talked aimlessly about the last few assignments they needed to finish for midterms week before spring break, each lamenting about how unfair it was that professors always chose to pack an absurd amount of assignments in the exact same week. As they reached the entrance of their destination, Kate pulled Nora closer to her with one hand on Nora’s hip and the other clasping their hands together, resting on her collarbone. 

“When are you leaving for spring break?” Nora scanned Kate’s face and couldn’t help but fixate on the beauty mark near her eye. 

“I was going to catch the train to Long Island probably tomorrow evening. What are you doing for break?” 

Nora looked down at her shoes, “I think I’m just gonna stick around here. I figure I can go do some of the touristy things I haven’t bothered to do yet.” 

“That sounds awfully lonely, NP. Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” 

Nora sighed, “I don’t really have any other options. I’m sure I will be able to keep myself occupied.” 

Nora could basically see the wheels turning in Kate’s mind as she gave her response. 

“You could come home with me if you wanted.” Kate’s offer was shy, almost hesitant. She scuffed one of her shoes on the ground but still held Nora tight. 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.” 

Kate’s head snapped back up, almost as if that wasn’t the response she was expecting. “Of course, honey. I’m sure my family would love to meet you with how much they have heard about you.” 

Before Nora could protest, she heard Shirley’s voice ring clear from inside the shop, “Nora Collins, if your sorry ass shows up in this shop over the break, you don’t even wanna know how far my foot will go up your behind.” 

Nora and Kate both broke out into laughter, both girls intimately familiar with Shirley and her meddling. 

“I guess that’s our answer,” Kate said, still shaking a little with giggles. 

“I guess so.” Nora smiled at Kate, taking a moment to press a soft kiss to the blonde’s lips. As she pulled back, the hand around her waist tightened. 

“This will be a good thing, I promise, NP.” 

“I trust you, Kate.” 

The blonde leaned forward once more to give Nora a longer kiss, one filled with promise and excitement. As she pulled back, Kate seemed to be buzzing with excitement, well, at least as much as the subdued, quiet woman could. 

“I will stop by your place to pick you up tomorrow at 6 and we can catch the train from the stop near you.” 

Nora gave a succinct nod and squeezed Kate’s hand before giving her a gentle shove. 

“Okay, Casanova. Now I really need to get in there before Shirley has my head.” 

With a two-fingered salute, Kate backed away and strutted down the hallway. Nora shook her head, that goofball was going to be the end of her. 

As she entered the costume shop, she could feel Shirley’s eyes on her and waited for the inevitable comment on her love life. The comment never came, so as she set herself up at her desk, she called over to the plump woman. 

“No comment today, Shirley?” 

The older woman hummed and brought a pile of fabrics to Nora’s desk. “I didn’t want to say anything and startle you, that is the first time I haven’t had to pull teeth to get you to do anything with that girl. I was starting to worry I like that little thing more than you do.” 

Nora snorted and settled into the paperwork she had been tasked with organizing for her shift that afternoon. She wasn’t expected back at rehearsals for the varsity show until after spring break, so she was spending the majority of her working hours doing the annoying tasks Shirley didn’t want to do herself. 

About thirty minutes before the end of her shift, Nora could feel some anxieties building in her chest. She had never met someone’s parents before and she had realized during her mind wandering of the afternoon that she had never heard Kate say a single thing about her family. She had no idea what to expect and it made her nervous as she thought back to what her own family was like. 

“Okay, you’re making me nervous over there, Nora. What in the world has you so wound up?” 

Nora sighed and dropped her face to her hands. Apparently hiding in 2005 was impossible with the number of times attention had been brought to her and her problems. She rubbed the heel of her palms across her face. 

“I’m just nervous about meeting Kate’s family. It seems soon and I haven’t heard a single thing about any of them. Does she have siblings? Does she look like her mom or her dad? Is she adopted? I know absolutely nothing.” 

It went unsaid that she, too, was worried about walking into a family dynamic like the one she had come from. Nora wasn’t sure if Shirley would catch that vibe from her, but the older woman’s words were soothing nonetheless.

“Miss Kate is a well-mannered, even-tempered, incredibly intelligent young lady. I would imagine that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And I am sure that whoever constitutes this family of hers will adore you the way she seems to.” 

That night, Nora walked herself home and began packing for a weeklong stay on Long Island. She had never been and had no idea what to bring with her. By the time she was done packing, she was certain she had enough clothes to last a month and all four seasons with an even more expansive collection of toiletries and other medical necessities. Hopefully she had enough packed to get her through the week but not so much that Kate’s family would tease her endlessly about it. She wasn’t high maintenance, she swore.

In the morning, Nora buckled down and finished the paper she needed to write on the incredibly long and tedious work by Judith Butler she had been assigned. By 5 o’clock she was trying to navigate the school’s seemingly ancient web technology-- the software apparently had been built specifically for use at Columbia and ran about as well as could be expected-- and had completed all of her midterms. 

A knock on her door startled Nora as she finished combing her wet hair. She looked to the clock on her wall, 6:00 on the nose. She opened her door and Kate hefted a rather large bag into the small room. Before anything could be said by means of greeting, Kate flung her arms around Nora’s shoulders and pulled her close. Nora happily returned the embrace and giggled when she heard Kate sniff her hair. 

“Whatcha doin’ in there, babe?” 

Kate pulled back, laughing a little, and gave Nora a quick peck. “I’ve never seen you with wet hair before and I wanted to figure out if the great smell in here was you or something else.” 

“That’s not creepy at all, Kate.” 

The small woman shoved Nora’s shoulder gently and Nora leaned back in for a few more moments of a hug. The feeling of Kate wrapped around her was soothing and grounding.

“As much as I love being held by you, sunshine, we really have got to go if we want to get to Sea Cliff before we turn into pumpkins.” 

Nora laughed and quickly disentangled herself, grabbing her large bag and followed Kate out of the building. Unable to hold Nora’s hand, Kate walked especially close to the brunette as they made their way to the subway. Like it’s old hat, the two girls traversed the public transit system of the city. Once they made the switch to the train in Queens, however, Kate became even more stoic and quiet than normal. 

“Kate, are you okay?” 

Kate hummed and continued to play with the hem of her jacket. Sliding closer to the blonde, Nora wrapped an arm around her girlfriend and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. 

“I won’t push, but you can tell me what’s on your mind if you want. I won’t bite.” 

A short silence passed between the two before Kate exploded with a quick and quiet response. 

“I’m just nervous because I didn’t think through the fact that you’re going to come meet my family and I am going to have to explain why my dad isn’t there and I have never told anyone what happened to him but my sister is super fucked up about it still and I know that she will tell you that he died even if I am not ready for you to know.” 

Nora took a moment to digest the rapid-fire information that had just fallen from Kate’s mouth. She held Kate tighter and said gently in her ear. “Thank you for telling me. We don’t need to talk about anything you aren’t ready to talk about. And I won’t tell anyone unless you ask me to.” 

Kate turned in Nora’s arms and searched her face. When she seemed to find what she was looking for, she leaned forward, burying her face in Nora’s neck. Nora rubbed her hands soothingly up and down Kate’s back until they returned to equilibrium. 

Before long, the train pulled into the station and the two filed off the bus into one of the prettiest towns she had ever seen. 

“Welcome to Sea Cliff, the village I call my home. We aren’t too far from where I live, so we can just walk there.” 

Nora snorted, “You know, Kate, you and I have quite different definitions of village.” 

Kate laughed but didn’t press further, much to Nora’s appreciation. As they strolled the streets, Nora took in the smell of seawater and reached out to touch a few of the trees as they passed. The house they stopped in front of was a decent size, painted a muted blue, and had a porch adorned with the cutest little scarecrow Nora had ever seen. Kate climbed the stairs first with Nora hot on her heels and let them into the foyer. Kate kicked off her shoes and Nora followed suit, heavily intrigued by the heavenly smells that must have been coming from the kitchen. 

Along the walls were photo after photo, family portraits, and some of the most beautiful art she had ever seen. Upon closer inspection, a particularly detailed oil painting was initialed “KMB”. It wasn’t… was it? Nora didn’t think she could be any more enamored by Kate and then she goes and adds one more thing to the neverending list of things she was exceedingly good at. 

“Kate, honey, is that you?” A warm voice called from the same direction as the heavenly smells. 

“Yeah, Mom. Nora and I are going to go drop our bags in my room and then we will be out for dinner.” 

Down a hallway and up a set of stairs, Nora followed Kate, running her fingers along the banister and gently touching the frames of photos of a family seemingly untouched by tragedy. She couldn’t help but think about how quickly all of that changed from the time the photos were taken, or how excruciatingly long it felt as they slowly descended into depth of the worst thing to ever happen to them. 

Nora shook her head and cleared her thoughts, she couldn’t afford to go down that rabbit hole, not with beautiful, charming, kind Kate guiding her to her childhood bedroom. There would be time later, when she was alone, to think about those things, to let herself breathe and grieve anew. 

The door to Kate’s childhood bedroom was plain white with a golden door handle. Once inside, however, pale cream walls were covered with everything stretching from exquisite artwork to well-loved posters of Gillian Anderson. The bedding was simple and a gentle plum, covering the full-size mattress with enough pillows to build a fort all on its own. The room was cozy, much like Nora had found her girlfriend in the time she had come to know her. 

Following her lead, Nora dropped her bag next to Kate’s in front of the closet area. 

“We can take care of this later, I’m sure if we don’t get out there soon my mom will send Emily to find us.” 

“Emily?” Nora thought back to the photos of the family and remembered the dark-haired girl with mousy features. She must have been more than a couple of years younger than Kate. 

“Yeah, my sister. The one I mentioned earlier?” 

Nora nodded her head and hummed in affirmation. As Kate went to grab the door handle, Nora reached out to touch her arm, bringing the blonde to a pause. Turning in slight confusion, Kate asked with her eyes why Nora had stopped her. Without saying a word, Nora pulled Kate in for a hug, squeezing firmly. No words were necessary for the message to pass between the women: I am here. 

As they descended the stairs, music was filtering through some speakers and Nora could pinpoint which album was playing in the vintage record player in the corner of the living room. 

“Neil Young?” 

Kate huffed a short laugh, “Yes, my mom has been on a kick lately. I feel like every time I call home she has some new fascination with a particular aspect of his discography. She must be back on the  _ Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere _ train.”

Nora could feel the telltale signs of her throat thickening and her chest tightening. She begged whatever beings watching over her that she wouldn’t make a fool of herself this early in her trip. She thought about little feet on top of large shoes, a father and daughter twirling and laughing around the kitchen as dinner cooked. The singer spun his tale of pain and loss of control down by the river and Nora rubbed the webbing between her thumb and forefinger, trying to ground herself to the moment.

Ever attuned to those around her, Kate looked to Nora, “Are you okay?” 

Nora nodded and gave a small smile, “Yeah, this song just makes me feel things, you know?” 

Kate squeezed her girlfriend’s hand and pulled her into the kitchen where a woman with perfectly blown-out blonde hair and a flour-covered apron was swaying to the music, stirring something in a pot next to a pan of what Nora assumed is asparagus sizzles. 

As usual for a mom, Mrs. Berthold turned as she sensed the entrance of her daughter and company. A smile broke out on the older woman’s face and Nora couldn’t help but think that she was looking at the middle-aged version of Kate. She could see the features she shared with her daughter well, though Kate must be a good mix of both of her parents. Reaching out immediately, Kate wrapped herself into a hug in her mother’s arms. Nora’s heart tugged but then warmed, delighted to see such a beautiful moment between a mother and daughter. 

“Okay Kate, do introduce me to your friend.” 

“This is Nora, my girlfriend. Nora, this is my mom.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Berthold.” Nora stuck her hand out to shake but the older woman wrapped her into a hug. Nora’s breath caught in her throat and she fought against tensing, trying to focus on the warmth of the body she found herself next to. 

“Please, call me Laura.” As the blonde woman pulled back in the embrace, she took a moment to catalog all of Nora’s features. She clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth, smiled, and seemed pleased by what she saw. 

“Kate, will you take Nora with you and set the table while I finish dinner? I will never get this done with you two in here to distract me.” 

Kate snorted, “Sure thing, mom.” 

In the dining room sat a large china cabinet with glass-paned doors. There appeared to be three distinct sets of tableware and Nora would guess that they were organized by how fancy they were. 

Congruent with her assumption, Kate pulled out the set resting on the lowest shelf and handed four plates to Nora to place around the table. They were simple white plates with some flowers in the center. Kate followed behind her with tall glasses that had intricate indentation at the base, a simple but elegant set to match the tableware. Nora recognized the glasses as the same set that sat in the cupboards at her grandmother’s house and she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of parallels to her old life and the one she found herself standing in the middle of. 

After a few minutes, Laura brought the meal to the table and called for Emily to come to the table. In true teenager fashion, the young girl huffed and puffed at having to sit at the table and miss the show she had been wrapped up in. Laura scolded the girl for having an attitude and then the group of them fell into a content chatter. 

“What kind of music do you listen to, Nora?” 

Nora scanned the iTunes catalog of tracks in her mind, settling on some oldies that were sure to be safe. “Well, you can never go wrong with a good Fleetwood Mac or Stevie Nicks moment.” 

“Oh, yes, I agree,” The older woman nodded her head as she took another bite of food. 

“Otherwise, I listen to most anything. Except new country, it’s all very nationalistic and I don’t care for it.” Kate seemed to agree and Laura looked a little perplexed.

“You know, I had never given much thought to why I don’t like country, but I suppose that could be it. What about older country, do you like that?” 

Nora thought for a moment, “Oh sure, there are lots of older country artists I can enjoy. Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, even Emmylou Harris, though she’s not super old. Did you know that Neil Young sang backing vocals on my favorite song of hers?” 

Laura’s eyes widened, “Oh, you’re kidding! I will have to track down that album so I can take a listen.” 

It was moments like these that Nora especially missed the convenience of having an iPhone and the entire world right in her pocket. 

“It’s called Wrecking Ball, a really beautiful piece in my opinion.”

Nora must have been saying all of the right things to win Laura over because, by the end of the meal, the family was throwing quips at each other, delivering punchlines in foreign accents, and making an absolute ruckus with their laughter. She hadn’t felt this at home at a dinner table for a long time. While she couldn’t do the funny voices or the accents, Nora’s quick wit and one-line zingers seemed to save her a spot at the table and, seemingly, an honorary spot in their dynamic, even if just for the night. 

“Kate, why don’t you help me with the dishes. Emily has been helping every night since you left and I think she’s getting a little grumpy about it.” 

Without hesitation, Kate began gathering dishes and brought them to the kitchen. Emily returned to wherever she had emerged from and Nora tried to give her assistance to the blonde women. 

“Oh no, no, Nora. You are a guest in this house, you will not be troubled with chores. Why don’t you go keep Emily company on the couch.” 

Not one to argue with her elders, Nora bowed her head and left the room. Kate gave her an apologetic look as she left and Nora waved her off, she wasn’t going to complain about being exempt from dish duty. 

In the living room, she found Emily curled up in blankets and blankly staring at the television. On the screen was a particularly young-looking Gillian Anderson in a leather jacket and dress slacks. Nora thought to herself about how the Gillian Anderson she would watch in movies and television shows in the 2010s was so different from the one she was seeing now. 

“You like the X-Files?” Nora began, hoping to spark some conversation with the sullen girl. 

A grunt was all she got in return and Nora took that as all the answer she was going to get. She settled on the other end of the couch and crossed her legs, resting an arm on the couch to prop up her head. 

After ten or so minutes of watching the show, Nora tried again. “How old are you, Emily?” 

“Fifteen.” 

“Ah, yes. I remember fifteen. I felt like I was counting down the days until I could get my driver’s license.” 

A short silence passed between the two before Emily responded. “Listen, I get it. You’re trying to be friendly with your girlfriend’s kid sister but I am not interested. You could never possibly understand me and what I’m going through.” 

Nora hummed, not one to back down from a challenge. “I don’t know about that, try me out for size.” 

The taller girl sat up straighter, determined to deter Nora from even trying to get to know her. “Unless you have a dead dad who completely forgot who you were for the last four months you got to have him, I don’t think you can.” 

“Well, my dad is still alive but I haven’t spoken to him since my mother’s funeral. And not for lack of trying, I would give anything just to get a hello, but that isn’t what he wants.” 

Emily’s eyes went wide, “What do you mean? He just wants nothing to do with you?” 

Unbeknownst to the girls, Kate was about to enter the living room but instead stood in wait behind the wall separating the dining room from where Nora and Emily sat. 

“I suppose you could say that. My mother’s death was a long time coming and for whatever reason, I think that he blames me. I was the only one there when she died.” 

Emily didn’t need to know the truth behind Nora’s mother’s death, that was something that even Nora herself wished she didn’t have to witness; certainly someone as young as Emily shouldn’t be privy to the horrors of Nora’s childhood. 

“How long has it been? Since you talked to your family?” 

“Just about two years. Actually, the anniversary is in a couple months.” 

The two girls carried on for a few minutes more, seeming to bond over their shared trauma. Nora knew that in time Kate would tell her some of these things but she would let the reserved girl tell her on her own time. On the other side of the wall, Kate was thinking the exact same thing about the enigma that was her girlfriend, this was perhaps the most she had ever heard Nora talk about herself. 

Emily reached out for Nora and gave her a big hug, the trademark Berthold empathy shining through. The younger girl scratched down the house phone number and told Nora to call anytime, feigning it as for Nora’s own good but they both knew it was because Emily was glad to have found someone to talk to who can understand her pain. 

Not wanting to blow her cover, Kate waited until she heard the telltale sound of blankets shifting on the couch. When she entered, both girls had splotchy cheeks but no other signs of crying, Nora and Emily both not wanting to start something they didn’t have time to finish. 

“Hey NP, I was thinking about taking a stroll over to the beach, care to join me?” Kate stuck out her hand for Nora to take. The brunette enthusiastically nodded and pulled herself to her feet using Kate for leverage. Kate pulled Nora to the foyer where they put their jackets and shoes on, leaving to stroll the small town guided by the light of the moon. 

Kate wrapped her arm around Nora’s waist as they walked, pulling her close when she stumbled on the rocks leading to the beach. 

“Y’know, I have never been this close to the ocean before.”

A silly, exaggerated “Whaaat” came from Kate. “How is that possible? How long have you been in the city?” 

“Only since starting undergrad. And I haven’t really left the city at all.” 

“Well that’s a shame, honey. How about we go rectify that?” 

Without giving Nora time to respond, Kate grabbed her hand and pulled her at a near sprint to the shore. They giggled the whole way and as they skidded to a stop, their shoes just barely touching the edge of the water, Kate pulled Nora close by her hips. Out of breath, Nora wrapped her arms around Kate’s neck and stood with her in the moonlight. 

“Here you are, sunshine. You’ve made it to the ocean.” 

A brilliant smile stretched on Nora’s face before she leaned forward to capture Kate’s lips in a deep kiss. She could feel Kate’s chest rising and falling against her own as they stood wrapped together in their embrace. They moved together seamlessly as if they had been learning each other’s rhythm for years. Puffs of breath swirled together as it danced to the sky, still visible in the slight chill of the early-spring air. 

As they pulled away, the two couldn’t help but revel in the moment with matching grins. The light from the moon fell across their faces, illuminating their hair and bringing a sparkle to their eyes. Wrapped up in each other, they stood and looked across the water, watching as the glimmering lights reflected off the waves and listened as the water ebbed and flowed, ebbed and flowed, ebbed and flowed. In that moment, they were one. They both felt like they could take the world by storm and Nora forgot, just for a moment, how temporary this all would be. 

For just one moment, Nora could swear she could see her forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are very appreciated. I hope you guys enjoyed this after waiting so long!


	8. seven

Nora stood wrapped in a blanket as she watched the sunrise from the back deck of Kate’s family home. She had left the small woman contentedly snoring in her bed, never one for sleeping in but unwilling to wake the girl who so often worked herself into the ground and deserved the rest. Dotting along the horizon she could see house after house, big and small, tall and wide. She imagined what was going on behind the walls of the homes surrounding her in this village that felt more like a suburb. Reds and pinks streaked across the sky and she heard the stray bark of a dog and the pounding of feet against the sidewalk as a woman went for a morning run. 

The past week had been simultaneously relaxing and the most overwhelming of Nora’s life. She had spent her days strolling the beach with her girlfriend, watching television with her newfound baby sister, and learning how to bake with a woman so incredibly warm and stable that she couldn’t help but long for a do-over-- of a childhood within these four walls instead of her own. As she stood, pulling the soft fabric tighter over her body, she left the crisp breeze clear her mind. 

The glass door behind Nora slid open and she heard a pair of slippered feet approach. The strong smell of coffee and chocolate hit her nose before her companion spoke. 

“Seems like I’m not the only one who isn’t keen on sleeping in, huh.” Laura held out a steaming mug to Nora. “Kate said that you don’t like coffee, I hope that hot chocolate is okay.”

Nora nodded and took the mug, “Yes, it’s perfect, thank you.” 

The two women stood together in silence for quite a while, sipping on their drinks and watching as the sky bled its fiery reds and oranges into a pale blue, cloudless sky. Calming breaths filtered through the air like the last flicker of an ember after a raging fire. 

“I don’t know how much Kate has told you, knowing my sweet girl it probably isn’t much at all. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad that you’re here. I haven’t seen her smile like this in a long time. The past few years certainly have been rough for all of us.”

Nora didn’t turn to look at the older woman but her fingers clenched the mug a little tighter. 

“I don’t presume to know much about you, but a mother’s intuition is seldom wrong.” Laura reached out and rubbed a hand up and down Nora’s arm, warmth seeping through the blanket onto her skin. “It’s all going to be okay.” 

Without another word, Kate’s mother let herself back into the house, leaving the door cracked. Nora stayed out on the porch long enough to smell the aroma of fresh breakfast coming from the kitchen. Taking that as her cue, she let herself back into the house and smiled as she saw her sleepy girlfriend shuffle into the dining room with a yawn and stretch. Her hair was still mussed from sleep and one pant leg of her pajamas was bunched up around her calf. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Nora said cheekily. Kate turned quickly to face the brunette and rubbed her eyes. 

“Am I still dreaming or is a beautiful woman standing aglow in my dining room?” 

Nora let out a hearty chuckle as Kate smirked to herself, “Okay, cheeseball.” 

Crossing the room, Nora wrapped Kate into the blanket with her and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. Kate’s arms snaked around her waist, fingertips just barely grazing the skin showing between her shirt and pants. There they stood together, Kate pressing stray kisses to Nora’s cheek as she swayed the two of them back and forth, Nora giggling the whole time. 

“Ugh, get a room.” Nora laughed and Kate unwrapped herself from the embrace. Emily’s hair was limp around her shoulders and she was dressed in just an oversized Nine Inch Nails shirt that fell nearly at her knees.

“Good morning, Emily, nice to see you, too.” The younger girl stuck her tongue out at her sister, which was returned in earnest. The three moved into the kitchen where Laura was just finishing their breakfast. 

“Help yourselves, ladies. I’ve got a lot to do today, it’s Susan’s turn to host the Saturday Luncheon for the PTA and Lord knows she will need the help.”

With that, Laura quickly scurried out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron as she deposited it back in the pantry. She called out an order for one of the daughters to make sure the dishes were done and the leftovers were put away before any Saturday shenanigans ensued. 

* * *

“What do you want to do today, Kate?” 

Nora stood in front of the vanity mirror, combing through her wet hair and scrunching some mousse into her locks in effort of making some kind of cohesive curl out of her wavy hair. She could see Kate in the background zipping up a sweatshirt, slowly creeping closer, her bottom lip caught in her teeth. Cold hands wrapped around Nora’s waist and a pointy chin found rest on her shoulder. 

“I actually have something in mind. How do you feel about museums?” 

Nora caught Kate’s eye in the mirror and noticed the look of contained excitement, her dimples giving her away. 

“I like them just fine, is there one around here?” 

Nora could feel Kate nod on her shoulder. “Yeah, it’s nothing fancy but it’s something to do besides lounging around here and going down to the beach.” 

“Then I would love nothing more.” 

The girls took their time getting around, stealing kisses, and laughing as they danced to an old CD in Kate’s 5-CD stereo system (which was, according to her, a very big deal). Nora snuck up behind Kate as she finished making her bed, picking her up and twirling her to the music. She reveled in the sound of Kate’s laughter, her alto voice raising ever so slightly for the giggles that made her nose crinkle. 

As Kate was set back on her feet, she questioned the brunette, “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that all about? Usually, I’m the one with surprise attacks.” 

Nora smiled, her green eyes nearly disappearing beneath her cheeks as she gave a short chuckle. 

“You’re just so tiny, I couldn’t help myself.”

Kate huffed and brought herself closer, grabbing Nora’s waist. “We are basically the same height, you know.” 

Nora kissed Kate’s nose. “I know. Doesn’t mean you aren’t tiny.” 

“I will show you tiny!” Kate quickly swept Nora off of her feet, throwing her over her shoulder as Nora yelped and began pounding her fists on Kate’s back. 

“Let me down!” 

Kate made as if she was going to carry her down the hallway but then tapped Nora’s ass twice and set her back on her feet. Nora’s face was flushed and her heart was racing. 

Hand in hand, Kate and Nora walked the streets of the small town. The sky had gathered into a thin overcast, sparkling light slicing carefully through the clouds to bask them in its warmth. Trees and bushes had the faintest hint of green growth after the icy winter and snowdrops were pushing through the ground. As they came upon the museum, Nora noticed the entrance with “Sea Cliff Village Museum” printed above the arch. Kate was friendly with the greeter at the door, they seemed to be intimately familiar with her and her family. 

Inside the museum, there were about a dozen exhibits scattered around the building. Guiding Nora with a hand on the small of her back, Kate brought them first to “The Connor Cottage” which looked like a very large, very realistic dollhouse to Nora. 

“This is one of my favorites. It’s one of the exhibits that are always here.” 

Nora peeked in one of the windows and saw what looked like an entire dining room set, only miniature. The attention to detail was astounding. 

“What is it?” 

“It’s a house here in town. The original owner of the house and his son made this model while they lived there and now it’s an exhibit. I just find it so fascinating. If the whole comedy thing doesn’t work out for me, maybe I will go into model-making or woodworking. I almost took a woodworking class in high school, actually.” 

As they peered in more windows, Kate pointed out more features of the model house that she loved. She seemed to fixate on the detail of the walls and floorboards, noting all of the little imperfections that weren’t adjusted or changed, instead kept with integrity to make it all the more fascinating.

Chewing on what Kate said, Nora decided to push a little. “What exactly do you want to do in the future? I know that you want to do comedy, but what’s the big dream?” 

Kate looked a little uncomfortable and tugged slightly at the collar of her shirt. Nora had never really been able to get much information out of her partner but something in her face seemed different, almost like she wanted to give a little.

“I just want to work. I love connecting with people through comedy and performance. There is something so comforting in that for me. I really just want to be able to do this and support myself doing it.” 

Nora could help but melt at the sincerity in Kate’s voice as she spoke about her passion for performing. Nora snaked a hand under Kate’s arm to hold and used the other to rub up and down soothingly. 

“That’s really beautiful, Kate.” 

An embarrassed smile met Nora’s kind words. “But really,” Nora continued with mirth. “What about a pipe dream? The thing so far fetched but would absolutely satisfy your every desire?” 

Kate rolled her head back and forth as she thought, tapping her fingers on her collarbone. “Honestly?” Nora hummed in response. “I really want to be on Saturday Night Live.” 

Nora wracked her brain, vaguely recognizing the name of the long-running show. 

“Oh, that’s that sketch comedy show, right?” 

Kate gasped, putting a hand on her chest, feigning offense. 

“Eleanor Collins, do not tell me that you have never seen SNL!”

Nora laughed a little, holding her hands up, “Okay, then I won’t tell you that.” 

“What!” Kate whisper-exclaimed. “There is no way. No girlfriend of mine can have no knowledge of the comedic genius that is Saturday Night Live.” 

“I know what it is,” Nora retorted in a huff, pulling her arms back to cross over her chest. “I think I have seen like one episode. But I don’t watch regularly, no.” 

“We are so fixing that tonight. Just you wait, baby. You’re going to love it.” 

Wiggling her hand between folded arms, Kate freed one of Nora’s hands so that she could hold it as they continued through the museum. Their next stop was at a model steamboat of the same caliber as the Connor Cottage. 

“What about you, sunshine? What are your dreams? Reasonable and unreasonable.”

Nora thought hard for a moment, trying to formulate an answer that wouldn’t cause alarm to Kate. A lot of her dreams were contingent on her life in the future. 

“Ideally? I want to get my Ph.D. and teach and do research at a university. I would really love to teach at Barnard but keep researching here with the funding of Columbia.” Nora let out a choked laugh. “Pipe dream? I’m not sure that I have one. All of my dreams have always felt so within reach for me. Perhaps winning the lottery and just doing whatever the hell I want for the rest of my life, collecting doctorates and doing my best to make a difference.” 

When Nora looked back at Kate, she was met with complete awe. The blonde’s eyes were wide but soft, her lips slightly parted and a pale blush peeking from the collar of her shirt. This was a confidence Kate didn’t often get to see from the brunette but wasn’t one completely foreign, coming out more and more as she got comfortable. Not used to having so much attention, Nora looked away but she couldn’t help but smile, too. 

“You really are something, Nora. Absolutely inimitable.” Kate quickly kissed Nora’s cheek and pulled her along to their next stop. In front of the two was a diorama of Sea Cliff, complete with tiny churches and houses, trees and piers, winding roads and sidewalks. 

“It still just baffles me that your town is considered a village.” Nora reached to touch the diorama before thinking better of it and bringing her back to rest inside her jacket pocket. 

“How so?” 

“I guess I just always assume villages to be like the one I am from. I guess in my head it’s more defined by wealth and not so much just land area and population.” 

Kate was looking at Nora intently, but Nora wasn’t looking back. Her palms had started to sweat but she had a tight grasp on herself. 

“You’re from a village, too?” 

Nora chuckled, looking at Kate as the tension eased for a moment. “Yeah, but an actual village in the midwest. Surrounded by corn, bring your tractor to school day, sitting in grocery store parking lots or doing recreational drugs the only pastimes. Just one single stoplight at the main four corners.” 

“What was that like growing up?” 

Nora thought carefully about what she could share about her childhood. “It wasn’t ideal, but it also wasn’t horrible?” Nora’s question was more for herself than anyone. “The lack of people made it easy to succeed and be considered ‘the best’ which is always good for the ego. But it is hard to watch all of the people you care about get stuck in the small town where nothing good ever happens, getting overrun by drugs or abusive relationships, or both. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough but sometimes I really sit in sorrow and regret leaving the people I love behind.” 

Kate tucked a piece of hair behind Nora’s ear and cupped her jaw, “You freed yourself from a place you knew wasn’t good for you. You worked hard and have never stopped wanting to cultivate yourself into the best version of yourself. You don’t need to ever be sorry for that.”

The words felt good as Nora heard them, she desperately needed the reminder every now and again that she had made the right decision. That she was going to be more than okay, that one day she was going to thrive. But Kate’s words could never be enough to soothe the ache of the price she had paid for leaving, That was a cross for her to bear and for her to bear alone. 

“Thank you, honey. I needed that.” 

“Anytime, sunshine. Whatever you need.” 

The two women continued through the museum, looking at relics of past lives lived in the small seaside town. They made up intricate stories of the women who once filled the antique dresses and decided who in each of the photos was secretly gay. By the end of the visit, Nora had learned more about her girlfriend’s little corner of the world than she knew about her own village or the city she currently called home. They walked out of the museum hand in hand and started walking seemingly without a destination. 

“So our villages really are nothing alike?” 

Nora looked around at the well-kept front lawns with nice cars in the drive, homes that comfortably would fit any upper-middle-class family with 2.5 kids with a picket fence and a dog in the backyard. 

“Well, I suppose some of the homes in my village look like this. Some of the more affluent people living in town had nice houses and the standard nuclear family dynamic. But there certainly were more houses with peeling paint on the siding and don’t even get me started about the smell of farm fertilizer that seemed to permanently linger even when it was long integrated into the earth. I’m sure I won’t see horses and buggies in the streets here, either.” 

Kate nodded and squeezed Nora’s hand, gently pulling her closer.

“Yes, I am sure you will not see horses and buggies on the streets of Sea Cliff. I would love to experience the other kind of village someday, though.” Nora physically tensed at the prospect and Kate quickly backtracked, “Not anytime soon, of course. Just theoretically.” 

“I have a lot of really bad memories there, I’m not sure if I will be returning anytime soon.” 

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t exactly the truth about why she could never take Kate back to the place where she grew. Never one to press, Kate let it go with another squeeze of Nora’s hand before swinging their joined arms lightly. 

Later into the night, Nora found herself sitting with her legs across Kate’s lap-- a place  _ Kate _ insisted she be-- curled in a blanket and watching Saturday Night Live. It seemed to be almost a religious experience for the Berthold family, complete with popcorn and full family attendance. Right before the show started, she watched Emily pop an empty VHS into the VCR to record the episode. 

“We just always do this, we like to watch them back and learn the jokes,” Kate responded to a questioning look from Nora. 

Kate’s hand laid at rest under the blanket, her thumb softly rubbing the skin of Nora’s thigh below the hem of her sleep shorts. Nora leaned back into Kate, wrapping one arm behind her neck, fingers gently stroking at the soft hair at its base. Careful to be respectful of the company in the room, Kate and Nora sat comfortably in their embrace for the duration of the episode, Nora’s hands rarely leaving Kate’s hair and Kate’s never traveling further than the few inches between Nora’s shorts and knees.

As the host walked on stage for his monologue, Nora noticed just how young Ashton Kutcher looked and had to hold back an audible hum of confusion when Demi Moore entered the stage as his wife. Wasn’t he married to Mila Kunis? The sketches on the show made her laugh more than a few times, especially appreciating the Weekend Update. 

When the musical guest came on, Nora could help but dance a little and sing along to Gwen Stefani’s most popular tracks, at least from what stuck with Nora as she grew. Kate couldn’t help but laugh, commenting on how surprised she was to see that her girlfriend finally knew something about pop culture. 

“I’m not a complete hermit, Kate!” Nora used her free hand to poke at one of Kate’s shaking shoulders. “I know some things, especially songs that play on the radio on repeat all day every day.” 

As the show began to wrap up and the cast said their goodbyes on the screen, the family started talking a bit about Kate’s father. 

“Oh god, girls, your father would have had an absolute time with this episode,” Laura began. They chatted back and forth about what bits landed and which didn’t, Emily and the mom having a much easier time with the dialogue than Kate. Nora noticed that Kate had become quieter than normal for being at home and her hand had stopped tracing Nora’s leg, instead pulling her hands close to rest on her own tummy. 

Nora let loose one well-timed yawn and Kate took that as her out. 

“I think Nora is getting tired, we are going to go head to bed.” 

Emily was still yammering on about her favorite cast member, so Laura just nodded at the blonde. Nora quickly removed herself from Kate’s lap and they walked hand in hand to Kate’s bedroom. 

They both changed into their pajamas in relative silence, Nora making it to the bathroom first to wash her face and brush her teeth. Kate joined shortly after with a drawn look prominently on her face. Nora backed herself against the wall and watched as Kate finished her nighttime routine. She crossed the small space and ran her hand up and down Kate’s back when Kate didn’t make a move away from the sink, just staring at herself in the mirror. 

“Are you okay, honey?” 

Nora’s question startled Kate from her train of thought. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine NP.”

With a quiet huff, Nora tangled her fingers with Kate’s and pulled her back into the bedroom. She guided her to sit on the edge of the bed, joining her, soothing a hand up and down her back. 

“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but if there is something weighing on you, I’m more than happy to listen.” 

A few long, deep breaths, in and out, punctuated the silence. Right when Nora was about to move to her side of the bed, Kate began to speak. 

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about my dad today, he would have really liked you, you know?” 

Nora hummed, afraid that more of a response would deter Kate from continuing. 

“I… I’ve never talked to anyone about him dying before. Well, besides my mom and Emily. Honestly, if I wouldn’t have brought you here, I may have never told you that he was dead. It’s just so hard to think about and even harder to want to open myself up to that kind of vulnerability. It’s easier to just lock everything away” 

Nora nodded along, continuing her hand rubbing up and down Kate’s back, bringing the other to tuck a strand of hair behind Kate’s ear. 

“He… He had cancer, and it took a long, long time for it to end. We were all really hopeful at first, he had a successful surgery and he took really well to chemo treatments. But that last year, it all hit him full force.” 

Tears welled in Kate’s eyes and Nora could hear her voice get thick. She wrapped her arms around herself as she continued.

“It was like everything that made him…  _ him  _ was gone. He couldn’t speak, he could barely breathe, and he had no idea who I was anymore.” 

Kate hiccuped before a suppressed sobbing sound came from her chest. Nora pulled her tightly into an embrace and started running her hand through her hair. 

“He-- He was supposed to be there, you know? The last time he was coherent enough to remember he had a daughter was my 18th birthday and before the month ended, he was gone. He was supposed to see me get accepted to Columbia. He was supposed to watch me graduate. He was supposed to be here the first time I--” 

A harsh cry cut off Kate’s train of thought and Nora made quiet shushing sounds as she held her girlfriend, quietly telling her that it’s okay and giving her the space and time to have her feelings. The grief was rolling off of Kate in waves and Nora couldn’t help but feel the same bubbling in her chest.

Some days it felt so raw, so fresh, as if just yesterday she was sitting in a funeral home, numb to the world. Some days she was right back on the day it happened, her sadness and denial oozing from her being. There was no rhyme or reason to her grief, no pattern of peaks and valleys that she could plan her life around. Sometimes it would hit full force, stopping her in her tracks as the world melted around her and other days it would drip slow like molasses, slowly collecting until it spilled over into her pillows as she tried to sleep. 

Kate’s breathing slowed and her tears nearly stopped as she pulled away. Nora wiped at her cheeks and kissed her forehead. 

“Thank you for sharing with me, Kate.” 

The smaller woman scooted away from Nora a little, trying to compose herself on her own. Not wanting to overwhelm Kate, Nora sat quietly as Kate pulled herself together. After a few minutes, Kate’s shoulders didn’t relax and her arms stayed wrapped around herself. Her breathing started to pick up again.

“Is everything okay, Kate?” 

Kate seemed to shake herself a little before looking back at Nora, bracing her hands on her knees.. 

“I’m okay, I’m just a little… That was a lot of sharing and I’m feeling… a lot.” Kate began tugging at the collar of her shirt and Nora was concerned, her verbose girlfriend rarely had such trouble communicating. 

“Oh, that’s okay. We both have shared some big pieces of ourselves today. If you want I can go back to the living room and give you some space. Emily showed me where the blanket stash is when we built that fort on Wednesday.” Nora stood to leave but Kate grabbed her hand. As Nora looked back at her partner, she could see unshed tears sparkling in her eyes, but a tentative grin on her cheeks. 

“No, wait. Will you please stay?” 

Nora softened, “Of course, honey. Let’s go to bed.” 

Together, the two climbed under the covers. Still wanting to respect Kate’s boundaries, Nora laid herself squarely in the middle of the pillow on her side of the bed. After just a few seconds she felt a tug on her arm, so she turned to look at Kate. In response, Kate just tugged her arm again and Nora got the message. She slid closer to the center of the bed and wrapped her arms around Kate. 

As they snuggled together into the bed, Kate’s head laid at rest on Nora’s chest, the small woman being soothed to sleep to the sound of her beating heart. Nora laid awake for a while longer, slowly trailing her fingers up and down Kate’s back as she was left with thoughts of her childhood and her mother. Images flicked through her mind of the day she had with Kate before wandering off into images of her hometown. It always amazed her how one tiny little town in the middle of nowhere could have such a profound impact on the rest of her life; how the trauma she experienced there had irrevocably shaped the course of her entire life. 

But here, with Kate in her arms, she let those thoughts drift to the back of her mind. All that mattered was the tuft of dark blonde hair tickling her nose and bringing her the sense of security she needed after sharing so much of herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally finished all of my responsibilities for school and my scholarship (being one of two main events at a fundraiser that's just about getting to know you and the other recipient is very intimidating lol). I'm feeling a lot lighter now that everything has been taken care of, so updates should come a little more frequently! 
> 
> As always, please please leave a comment telling me what you thought! Feedback fuels my writing! Thanks for reading!


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